He had walked away

I wanted the lawn to absorb me into its velvet greenness, to become
a blade of grass, insignificant, lost, nothing. I grabbed helplessly at
his arm feeling the muscles tense at my touch like a blow to the
stomach. We looked at each other - crushed - scarred - pain there are
no words for - pain that said I love you and I loved you, but I can't
love you anymore. He turned away from me. I watched him go. I watched
him walk away from me for the first time and I stood helplessly shaking
and biting my lip. I breathed in and out intensifying the most
delicious pain in my chest. He didn't turn around and give me one last
longing look; he just closed the gate behind him. And I couldn't
pretend it was alright. It was not alright. It was never going to be
alright. I could feel my hand burning from where I had touched him
last. I looked down at my hand, the hand he had so often held and
stroked and reached for in bed. I ran the hand across my face and
smelled him as I wiped the tears away. That was too much to bear. As I
sank to my knees on the soft grass I began to sob and wrapping my arms
around myself I laid down. The lawn absorbed me into its velvet
greenness; I became a blade of grass, insignificant, lost, nothing. He
had walked away.