I am the Fairy on the Christmas Tree

I am the fairy on the Christmas tree
All shiny and white and tinselly
And everything which happens down below I see
From my vantage point on the Christmas tree.

I notice whos had a drink or three
And what hand strays onto which strange knee.
No, there isnt a lot that gets past me
Marooned up here on this bloody tree.

I saw what Tracey and her fiance
Got up to yesterday on the sofa after tea.
They though they were alone, they forgot
about me,
Watching over them from the Christmas tree.

Who snogs who neath the mistletoe I see
And it aint always who its supposed to be
But they never think to look out for me
Im only the fairy on the Christmas tree.

I will send my report to the Elf Ministry
About the goings-on at number fifty-three.
Oh, the fly on the wall has nothing on me,
Your observant fairy on the Christmas tree.