Best Friend

Talk,
we need the chance
because you estimate
something is wrong.
Only that I have been holding
back
on account of the fact

that
I
want to tell you all,
and an overshadowing thought

within situations when I have been forced
to bite
my tongue,

save it
for a more
suitable
oppertunity, except now I have left it
far
too late, and you
have noticed I

hesitate.

Although I am inclined
to give you an answer now, I
have needed
to speak openly before,
and should
have
but couldn't.

So please
wait
until we are alone
and I swear I will not disappoint

(although in saying that

I
lie
because the disappointment
will come in another
form) and
I wish I'd come to
realise
earlier,

so
that I might have an

oppertunity to reveal my secret thoughts
maybe you
guess? I do not
think you


ignorant
of my shortcomings,
my
giving-away that something is amiss.
And now I babble,


just
because I cannot
tell you
now: that has been the
reason for my discomfort,


mostly,
and because I have
realised
that you are my best friend, and
that that
notion
might not

be
(necessarily)

a good thing, for you, at least,
or maybe it is, I
love you
beyond words,

beyond

these
silly ramblings I

meant to be a simple explanation.
How can I face
you?
I have no mask.

You
(please
understand)
are my everything, my reason,
and nothing
has changed
although now I

see

all of it in a
different light, perhaps I am wrong?

I anticipate contradiction
from your
lips.

Maybe
I give away too
much
again, and you are more
perceptive than I
imagined, although
I knew it all
along,

Please
don't think that I
mean
to harm; this is not for me
(who,
then?)

Forget
this messy poem ever
happened,
this one, here, I wrote for you, with all my
heart
filling the screen

but
I
cannot weep
even though you know, and don't know
what
is happening
inside my head.


Forgive
me for what I have
not
begun with, and how I have not finished.
You'll
understand when
I am there.


I
need to see you face to face,
hold you,
as I hold
you now, imaginary
(and you are so fragile)