Lying Next To Him I Know

And one day he'll be married with children of his own, a big house downtown and a nice family car. One day he'll be driving his kids to school and suddenly he'll think of me and smile.
But right now, I watch him sleeping next to me, and my heart is heavy.

I cannot understand why I can't be here, not only today, not only tomorrow, but much more and longer still. My heart is heavy, and I'm prepared to give it all up, lose everything I love, my family, my future, my God, just for the sake of becoming more than a six-month mistake he made.
Someday he'll be able to think of me, remember the way I curled up in his arms, and smile.

Only right now, my heart is heavy, and since there's no next month, no next week, not even a tomorrow, I find it very hard to smile.