James' Friend

I don't remember his name... I try not to at least. Lemme break it down for ya... I HAD a friend named James. He used to go to Midlands Tech with me. He always used to hook all of his female friends up with guys, not your typical guys, but guys that were educated and doing well for themselves. One day he says to me, "Belinda, I have the perfect guy for you." I thought that God had finally blessed me with a man who had all of his teeth and didn't sport a jheri curl... I was so happy. He told me that he'd bring the guy over so that we could meet. I didn't think anything of it when he said he's BRING him over. You know, friends ride with each other occasionally. Right.... So the day comes for me to meet him. The doorbell rung and James did his special note that he'd normally do. I had to make sure that I was looking right in the mirror next to the door. James smiled at me because he knew that I was working it. I opened the door and there stood James with a big 'ole Kool-Aid grin... The moment I had anticipated was here. It felt like slow motion when I opened the door. I looked at James' car and leaning on his car was a man who looked like he just came from a construction site. He was filthy. You know how in movies there's a sound effect where a record is cut short. Yeah, I felt like that. I looked at James then I looked at the guy again. So in my head, I started thinking of him after a nice bath. I imagined him clean. Then he did something that made my jaw hit the floor. He smiled and when he smiled.... He was missing all of the teeth that went between the canines. I think I was in mild shock. No, I know I was in shock. I gave James the look of death. Then I approached the man. "Hi. How are you? I said being polite since he was at my home. I went to shake his hand and he held my hand. I had to snatch it back from him. His hands were made of concrete. He told me that he didn't have a car but he was going to purchase a house. Let me repeat that for the people who aren't paying attention. I'll use caps. HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE A CAR. YOU KNOW, TRANSPORTATION. BUT HE WAS GOING TO BUY A HOUSE. Maybe it's me but... I think that I would see a dentist first. Maybe purchase a nice used car and then buy a house. Maybe I'm wrong. I looked back at James again and beckoned him into the house. He knew something was up because he took his time coming in. So when he came in he says, "So, what do you think of him?" It took everything I had in my body to not throw my grandma's figurines at his head. All I could say was, "No". Then I asked him why he brought that man to my house. He said, "Because you are so nice." I took that to mean, "Because you are so desperate that you'd take anything." So with grace and dignity, I told him to leave and take No Teeth with him. Oh, I forgot to mention that he didn't actually work construction. Why was he so dirty then? Your guess is as good as mine.