Angry again

How can I shake you out of my tangles
Comb you off and out
Unravel the knots of you
under my skin?

You wouldn't leave me alone.
Cards, e-mails, phonecalls
I was obliged
And I liked you
I was delighted
Flattered
Interested
Curious
Cautious

I was right to be cautious

It's been a slinky circle
Back round but different
I'm stronger this time
Not so hurt
Not SO hurt
But with a fresh wound nevertheless

A fresh bite

You burrowed in
And dissected me
Seeing the delicate complexity of me
only within your science
through your spectacles

It was a test of my soul
to remain constant
Whilst the body of me was pulled apart and examined
Presented to me under a microscope
The strength of my soul was what pulled it all back in place
Magically magnetic
over and over again

And I tolerated this

With patience

You'd say I did this to you

I was just trying to clarify
reassure
What I pulled apart
If I did
Was the in between
The ether of our conversation

It takes two to make a relationship fail
No. It takes one
determined

And you have won
OK, OK
OK I don't want you now
OK it won't work
OK I agree
OK I give in
to giving up

How arrogant of you
to assume
you might be repeating something for me which is recent
which is deeper by far
more profound
No, you are repeating something older, further away, smaller
I've got over that
Her

You'd re examine it
want to know the flesh and bones of it
If I told you
You'd re examine it
Ask your open questions
Open up healed wounds
Aggravate them
Determinedly make them sore again

Yes I'm angry with you
I want to hurt you
But you say I already have
Over and over again you say

So I have been a great
stumbling oaf in your china shop
of a head

This does not make me an oaf in life
This does not mean that I am defined by my oafishness
Looking at myself through your spectacles only makes my head hurt
I am polishing mine

I am hard, yes
I am adult
The adult me is big and strong
as well as tender
I am all, both, and far more on top
Direct, assertive, clear, honest

Where is your glue?

That's the point

My soul is my glue
The self belief I have laboured over creating
Year after year
carefully, painstakingly,
determinedly
spectacles for my soul
That which you can't undo
By your scrutiny
By your criticism
By the names you called me

Angry again

I will not let this crush me

I hurt and I am stirred
to think of links
but links are self imposed for making sense
so I will make sense
in other ways
A personality clash
We tried it and it didn't work
Glad I didn't go there
I rejected you
It's over
It was fun while it lasted (in parts)
I don't need you
I don't need this
You've won, it's demolished

Crash