scorpio poem

I said it's alright I'm thick skinned
Then I said I'm not that thick skinned

I have been to the out patients department
of the hospital I built inside myself
Staffed by angels

And I walked most of the way home
Pushing my bicycle

She said maybe she needed me to teach her about boundaries
I said I'm going to put the phone down
if you continue to be horrible to me

she put the phone down

By not eating comfort food I seem to have released my feelings
And I am sailing down the river on a branch

Down a branch

Away from her

Whilst sitting here
In the dark autumn night
On the recreation ground
On a step

And I am seeing life as steps
In my recovery and growth
rather than old ways of seeing romantic opportunities to dissapoint

The traffic moves like a river
To an orchestra of firework bangs

Scorpio moon
Oh scorpio moon
You flung it all at me

Old pain
New pain
Challenges

Knotty hair
Knotty head

And I am breathing

Swimming

Coming up for air

Oxygen for the brain

Waters to untie the knots

I don't need you

I need me. This skin

It's OK to be me
In my world
I have good reason
to be tentative
You remind me of that

Yes I am loveable
Yes people do want
chunks of me

You knocked one off

Out patients

Angels inside

Beans and my cat
Bed
Hot water bottles
Wine at the weekend
Poems and paint

Paint in my fingernails
Oil on my trouserleg

This is me

Scar tissue is thick skin
And I am part mermaid
I can swim away from your vessel to a new landscape