A day in the life

Midnight
With Kelly in Take Five.
The barman calls "time"
he looks at us and winks.

1 am
The landlord has his coat on.
We sip our whiskies and leave.

2 am
Kelly knows a place we can get served
she tells me it is secret,
still undiscovered.
We sit in the corner, no-one knows our names.

3 am
I walk Kelly to her front door. This is romantic.
I ask to borrow money for a taxi home. This is realism.

4 am
Trying to sleep knowing your alarm is set for seven
is waiting for a delayed train
worrying about catching your connection.

5 am
I dream I am drumming with The Beatles
John Lennon high fives me.
Outside I am ushered into a limousine.

6 am
All my life I have been waking before the alarm
waiting for the beeps.

7 am
I wee and brush my teeth simultaneously.
This is saving valuable seconds.

8 am
Walking to the bus stop with headphones on.
Bonnets of cars would make good beds.
I just need a duvet.

9 am
The country is full of people logging on
adjusting swivel chairs
pretending they know what they are doing.

10 am
Kelly texts.
“Still in bed. x”

11 am
There is a lady here whose job is to make us coffee
photocopy
leave bottles out for the milkman.

12 pm
I walk to Burger King
tomorrow I will start a fitness regime
couscous and swimming.

1 pm
In Spain this would be siesta time
back to our homes for Sangria and sleep.
Stewart from Sales has got a nosebleed.

2 pm
An email asks me to name bald footballers.
I get seven before resorting to google.

3 pm
A team meeting
an oval table
at its epicentre a plate of biscuits
that no-one can reach.

4 pm
I need to book time off in November
there‘s a party in Shoreditch
I think I am owed a lieu day
I will sort these things out tomorrow.

5 pm
Waiting for the clock to turn.
I do a poo so I don’t have to go
in my own time.

6 pm
I am out the door as though someone has shouted 'fire.'
People try to give me free newspapers.
I don’t even read the ones I buy.

7 pm
On the kitchen notice board
takeaway menus are displayed
like treasured family photographs.

8 pm
Power showers make everything better.
I Imperial Leather my balls and armpits.

9 pm
Kelly comes round.
When the doorbell rings
I realise I have no socks on.

10 pm
The jukebox plays the songs we put on
I do my impression of Del Boy falling down the bar.

11 pm
A couple have a stand up row.
Kelly commentates for me
I am always facing the wrong way.

Midnight
Me and Kelly in Take Five
the barman calls "time"
he looks at us and winks.