WHERE SKIPPER LIVES essay

A Home for the Aged can be imposing but there is a special feeling about this one. On a spacious front lawn the sign says, 'Lambton Twilight Haven,' a name selected by residents 28 years ago.

A dog called 'Skipper," a two year old Schnauzer is the newest resident in this Home.

Several residents smile as you come through the door. There is a handrail and sign, 'Automatic Door.' Proudly one person explains, "A gift from private donors, including staff, to help the handicapped." Folks with walkers can also be made to feel independent.

Residents can be too proud to ask for help. Now their hands are free as the wheel chair glides through the door. A push on a large button activates the door, which remains open until they are inside. The handrail helps support the unsteady.

One resident in the foyer brings a chuckle. She's wearing a tight fitting sweater emblazoned with 'Feeling 40 and Foxy.' She giggles at your astonishment. What, a resident with such a twinkle in her eye? She gestures with her cane, "I'm 68 you know, I belong here."

It's your first time in a 'Home' and you feel strange. Many people say a 'home for the Aged is a place where people go to die." Don't believe it. It's a lively place a city within a city and full of spark. The average age of the residents here is 84 years. Look at them: walking, gesturing, on walkers, in wheelchairs, waving their hands, many of them active and alert.

Far-seeing persons ensured that a spacious and attractive chapel was part of the original design. It seats sixty people and the setting in non-denominational. A part-time chaplain and local clergy oversee the chapel and are available for counseling and personal discussions. Local people often share worship with the residents. Unfortunately many homes do not have this excellent opportunity for residents to practice their faith.

The chapel is well used. A wedding took place two years ago. The two residents enjoyed the attendance of staff and friends. It was a remarkable day. The Home's van was decorated and the happy couple took off for the weekend at a local motel. The new husband was in a wheel chair and had to be helped into the van but upon his return was able to get out on his own.

Standing in the front foyer you can hear laughter chasing around the corridor. Staff are listening to a story or telling one. There seems to be a lot of whistling and gabbing going on.

Perhaps they are talking about Skipper again.

~

A display case shows off a variety of work created by residents. It is easy to appreciate the delicate stitching of mitts, scarves, gloves, and there are intricate ornaments made of shells, clothespins and stuffing. The pretty beads and quilt make you seek out the craft room.

"Are these items actually made by the residents here?" A wonderful world opens up before your eyes as you watch the satisfied smiles of folk bringing cheer to strangers outside their walls.

Old skills and tired fingers come alive again, as each person barely looks up from their hobby. And that's what it is, fun, not work. All crafts sold bring in funds to cover costs plus a little to purchase other items needed for the 'Home."

At the office you shyly ask if it is okay to walk through the building. "I don't know anyone here but may I look around? My first time here." Of course it's all right you are told but please respect the privacy of the individual rooms. And keep an eye out for Skipper.

This Home has 177 residents. Many persons require light or heavy extended care needing help for walking, eating or bathing. Many are mobile but unable to look after shopping and other household chores. Sons and daughters can relax a little, knowing loved ones have nursing staff on a 24 hour basis, who monitor health and oversee medication needs.

Four dining rooms are tastefully decorated and strategically located for easy access. The main one seats 96 persons. It is a challenge for the dietary staff to provide tasty meals. Everyone sits at precise places at the small tables, which are decorated with floral centerpieces.

Residents are taught to be as independent as possible. Frequently staff reminds some to do as much as possible for themselves...walk without assistance, if able...forget about the wheelchair or walker. Well- meaning relatives sometimes smother their mom or dad with kindness.

One such resident came to live here and was barely able to tie her shoelaces. She learned in a short time to do more things for her. Everyone was proud.

Banking opportunities are available through the office. Residents can be seen counting their withdrawal money and are encouraged not to lend or borrow funds from each other.

A tuck shop run by two residents help those with a 'sweet tooth.' Munchies...chips, pop, chocolate bars as well as lotions and cigarettes are available. Freedom of choice exists and residents learn to discipline themselves. If not then dieting must take place.

~

Stand still and listen to what's going on. A voice quivers as it slowly starts. Winifred is singing again. She cannot see very well and has this constant upward tilt of her chin and the nicest smile anyone could have.

To her, the sun is always shining and the birds sing just to make sure people are happy. Her positive attitude has always been uplifting to those who ever chatted with her even for a few moments.

People may not understand or perhaps they sometimes forget that older citizens are no different from their children or grandchildren. They still have wants and desires. They still thrive on love and caring and where possible look forward to family visits or letters or phone calls.

Why do children needlessly feel ashamed at having encouraged mom or dad or both to go to a Home? This guilt can lead to a severing of a badly needed relationship if allowed to go unchecked. Negative feelings must be overcome by positive attitudes.

Remember the nights of worrying about dad's poor eating habits or the stove always being left on by mom or the fear about one of them falling in the tub when you were away on a business trip.

The new refrain from thankful relatives is often "I'm so glad mom is here. I sleep much better at night." It does not mean all is rosy and safe since accidents may still occur in a Home. But more people are around and trained staff is close by for emergency situations.

Residents can develop lasting friendships and this Home encourages participation in trips for shopping, bowling, picnics and country sight seeing.

Outside fairs in summer often bring family members together. Children and grandchildren and parents can sit side by side and enjoy ice cream and other treats!

It's important to join together this facility with the 'outside' world. This Home is not an island in the sun but a bridge between the community and a place where extra attention is required in order to help our loved ones enjoy a special period in their lives.

Meals are prepared here for local senior citizens through an 'Elderly Outreach Program' to ensure a basic nutritious meal each day. Others may come once a week for a meal in the Home.

An apartment complex is attached to Twilight Haven and tenants are able to have companionship opportunities as well as nursing assistance in an emergency since each of the 50 apartments has a signal system linked to the nursing station.

Visitors from the apartments are aware that their next residence may be next door, perhaps sooner than they realize. However, the transition when needed is not so traumatic as an awareness of services provided is already understood and the Home is no longer looked upon as a strange or unknown place.

Group visits from, schools, theatre troupes and local musicians bring flavor and vitality to the Home.

An excellent auditorium provides the entertainment area required for activities and fun times. Bingo, card games and joint dances with local nursing homes remind residents they belong to an extended family.

~

It is interesting to overhear snatches of conversation about grandchildren and family ties from the various areas surrounding the Home.

This Home operates on a 30% municipal/70% provincial cost-sharing formula. Twilight Haven was fortunate to receive extensive funding over the past three years which is cost shared 50/50 between the municipality and the Province of Ontario.

A new heating system, electrical updating and modernization program has revived the spirits of this older building. Residents and staff have also had a morale booster with new equipment to help with resident needs.

Many visitors enjoying the company of residents are treated to tales of the past and history comes alive in the excited eyes of the storytellers.

Children from the elementary schools visit often and in the past several years an adopt-a-grandparent program has taken place. Residents with few opportunities for family visits due to distance or who have no living relatives are matched up with a young person between 8 and 12.

The bonding between the gentle adults of the past and the youngsters of the future comes together in a quiet room. There, two people who care for each other talk and sometimes just sit and bask in the love one for another. Caring is a common habit in this Home and you can see it by the plaques on the walls in honor of those who contributed to the purchase of wheelchairs, pictures, couches, libraries and other comforts to ensure a homey atmosphere.

A hairdressing shop is busy. There is special excitement in the air as the pad of an animal echoes down the hall.

~

It's Skipper and his mistress Lillian. Both are on their way to visit residents, first at the hairdressers, then to other parts of the Home.

Lillian a former school teacher, is a talented musician who has often played for local dances, will play each of the three pianos situated throughout the Home while Skipper accepts stares and pats on the head.

He animates the residents and watch carefully as he sniffs out my new scents, accepts scratching under his neck then returns to his lady's side.

The little dog has brought a new dimension to the spirits of a number of residents in the Community Care area. They have discovered a common conversational topic to share and are chatty on the subject of this well-behaved dog.

Across the way one can hear singing from lips, which chanted these same phrases as a child. The Activation Room is designed to keep people in touch with reality and remembering days gone by through old favorites is meaningful.

Volunteers and family members share their precious time. Someone's mother or sister or fathers are the lucky recipients as all join in.

It's not such a bad place. All the while you concentrated on whether or not the place was clean, you searched out any odors and sought to understand what living here meant to folks who sometimes had nowhere else to go.

For the first time in a long time a tear trickles down your cheek. You can't believe the feeling welling up inside. It's a magical place suspended in time. You look past wheelchairs, the wrinkled skin and cautious smiles.

They're really young boys and girls with a love of life enriched by years of wisdom gained through practical experience. Careers and families and memories are stored in a safe corner of the mind. The past is often relived over and over in a secret place where there is no longer any pain or loneliness and the limitations of today are forgotten.

You suddenly feel good about a Home for the Aged. It's sure different from what you thought. You join another resident in patting Skipper who has also found a new home.

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© Richard L. Provencher 1985

Richard & Esther Provencher invite you to read their first of three novels ‘FOOTPRINTS” now available from www.synergebooks.com. “Someone’s
Son” and “Into The Fire” will also be available soon by the same company. These books were written during the first several years while Richard was recovering from his stroke, which felled him in 1999. He is still recovering.

The link to “FOOTPRINTS” is as follows: http://www.synergebooks.com/ebook_footprints.html