Poetical Science

The twenty-first century – what a wondrous place!
Where no one is judged by their creed, sex or race
Where technology makes our lives sprightly and gay
Isn’t the world looking sciency today?

Mortality rates have gone down for the rich
The moans of the poor get tuned out like a glitch
But when Britney farts the whole planet can hear her
Don’t we reside in a sciency era?

Space race fanatics don’t let it bother ‘em
That there’s not enough fuel left to get beyond Rotherham
They sit in old trolleys, shout: ‘Sulu – Engage.’
Don’t we all live in a sciency age?

Streaming disasters, an mpeg appears
A suicide bride with high-res tears
Live desolation from Slough to Tangiers
When they look back, they’ll call these ‘the sciency years’

Modern man is electronically enhanced
Come on, come on, do the sciency dance
Cashcard, mobile, gameboy, i-pod,
Charger... what? Where’s it gone? O God!

Vigorous, bigger men used to frustrate me
But these little blue pills keep me going past eighty
A USB plug-in girlfriend to fellate me
Hasn’t the weather been sciency lately?

Tossed my obsolete hopes in a trash compactor
Downloaded a screensaver of Margaret Thatcher
So photo-realistic I got up and slapped her
Could this be the start of man’s sciency chapter?

Haven’t our lives become so very sciency?
Total reliance on household appliancy
I order a burger – a man says: ‘Hi! How?’
Why wait ten minutes? I want to eat now!

The fourth wall’s fallen with a sickening slam
Spam-scammers, glamour-rammers, culture jammers breach the dam
To a soundtrack of ‘Club Tropicana’ by WHAM
Sciency? Yes, I suppose that I am

Like a crack to the love spuds with a sopping wet flannel
Reality bites – never mind, change the channel
Remember, your only power lies in your thumb
Look at me! Wow! I’m sciency, mum!

Super-bacteria, fire from the sky,
A billion shiny new fast ways to die
Push forward, push forward, but never ask why
You can comfort yourself with a sciency lie

Pretty soon we’ll be up to our eyeballs in brine
O how lucky! To see humankind reach its prime
Once we’ve bombed ourselves back to primordial slime
We’ll think: weren’t we all born in a sciency time?