Looking after Mum: Part II: Chapter 16

Chapter 16
“Hi, Amelia,” beamed Susannah at me as I walked into the mentoring room.
“Hi, Susannah,” I sighed, sinking into a chair and swivelling round on it.
“You’re looking well,” she remarked, peering at me through her plastic specs. “Yeah, you’re looking happier than I’ve seen you in ages. Any reason why?”
I tried to remain glum-faced, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of triumphing over my never-ending depression, but I couldn’t. A smile was itching to burst over the corners of my mouth and it did.
“Um,” I said in a gruff voice, still smiling. “Um...”
I looked up at her and noticed her expression. Her eyes were gleaming and expectant, and her face kind. Who was I to take away her satisfaction? I wanted to share my happiness with her, not show her that I was completely demoralized.
“Well,” I started. “I...I have a friend. A...a really good friend. She’s called Ruby.”
“Oh wow!” exclaimed Susannah, her eyes twinkling more than ever. “That’s great, Amelia. That’s really, really great. Does she go to this school?”
“Um...no. No, she doesn’t. I...um...met her in a shop.”
“Oh really? How did you meet then?”
“Um,” I started. I wasn’t about to tell her we formed a bond after I became her accomplice in the theft of a pendant. “Um, we just, like, said hello, and then we met again later. I was in a state, and she was really understanding and all, and it just took my mind off things. She...she’s really nice.”
“I’m glad, Amelia. I’m really glad. That’s great for you.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I know, and...and when I’m with her, it’s like, I’m not all scared and shy and worried about what everyone’s thinking, because...because she’s so confident and everyone envies her inside, even though they might pretend amongst themselves that she’s weird.”
Susannah’s plump face wrinkled in a hesitant frown. “Hm...” she said. “So, you’re telling me that you suddenly feel really confident, because Ruby’s with you and so everyone thinks you’re as cool, or whatever you youngsters call it, as Ruby is.”
“What? No...I mean...”
“Look. So you have a new friend. That’s great, that really is. But I don’t think you should depend on someone to feel good about yourself inside. Dependence can be a really dangerous thing though. I think you need to build up your self-confidence so that you can feel good just being you. Because you have no reason to feel bad about the fact that you are who you are. You need to...to just embrace yourself. Okay, you know I hate doing the whole cheesy pep-talk but it’s true. Once you’re happy with who YOU are, you won’t need anyone to feel good about yourself.” I scowled. All that came out her mouth was wool-fluff. I couldn’t believe she’d managed to find a criticism about my friend in the minute I’d introduced Ruby to her. Unbelievable.

The following weekend Ruby knocked on my door, as I’d given her my address, and I went out with her. I felt in the wrong about leaving Mum with Miss Alcock. But I didn’t want to stay there at home, swallowed up by warped shadows and guilt every moment I breathed.
We caught the public bus into town together
First we went window shopping in the arcades, trying on shoes and clothes in shops so expensive I don’t even want to record their names. Ruby had her eye on a pair of gorgeous patent high-heels with psychedelic colours from River Island. She stood by the shoe rack and practically drooled over them, after which she tried to work out how she’d nick them and not get caught. I was getting all worked up, but luckily the shop assistant approached us suspiciously. “Is there anything you girls want?”
“No, thanks,” we chorused. “We’re just looking.”
Ruby still obviously wanted to try and get away with it, but the shop assistant never let us out of her sight after our short conversation, so we skedaddled, much to my relief. Cheap jewellery and snacks were alright, but not expensive stuff that she could get prosecuted for stealing. We veered away from the designer shops in future and mooched around in Primark and New Look, but luckily Ruby calmed down her kleptomaniac side that day, and managed to steal nothing.
We had lunch at a small cafe where a little stray cocker spaniel came trotting up to our table. He was so sweet, his big liquid brown eyes wide open, his pink tongue hanging out and his darling little paws begging for food, so we gave in, like typical girls. Half our cheese and ham baguette was fed to him, and it was worth it, to see him all lit up and woofing happily. Ruby got all tearful, and, stroking it affectionately said, “Oh. I wish I could keep him. He’s a just little stray. Just like me, aren’t you, little pup?”

She had almost made up her mind to keep him by the time we were standing up and packing away, getting out money and closing our handbags. Once we’d paid and were ready, we looked down at our ankles, expecting to see the spaniel there, but he had gone.

To end the day, we went ice-skating on the mini-rink, and even thought it was a sport, I really enjoyed it. The minute I strapped on the skates and tottered around on the ice with Ruby, all my inhibitions about skating disappeared and I just felt so liberated as I glided around. Well. Not exactly glided. We both managed to fall over at least twenty times between us, landing on our bottoms and clambering up ungracefully, giggling. We spun around in circles, holding on tight to each other in case we fell and for a few moments I just felt oblivious to everyone else. It was just me and Ruby, in our own little friendship bubble, swinging round and round on the rink and making splinters of ice fly everywhere.

The day was wonderful. During all of it, I felt like a normal teenage girl instead of a misfit, and never once felt self-conscious or out of place. I just felt proud and happy to be walking next to this exciting, streetwise girl, who could be anything she wanted to and didn’t give a damn about what people thought. For once, I was enjoying the stares of people wondering what I was doing with Ruby, because it made me feel special, because she had chosen me and no-one else.
We decided to catch the bus back in the evening, most of the major bus stops were really busy and the buses were full so we had to go to a darker, quieter part of town. It was quite creepy and we linked arms again, half-expecting a crazed paedophile to jump out at us any minute from the shadows. We sat down at the abandoned bus stop, and huddled together, shivering.

“Well,” said Ruby, trying to sound as brave as possible though even she was on edge. “It’s been a really great day. Thanks for it, Amelia. It was great.”

“Thank YOU,” I replied. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve had so much fun.”

Ruby was about to reply when she gave a start. We could both hear footsteps pattering out of the darkness. Ruby tightened her grip on my arm and we both slowly rose, ready to make a run for it.
Out of the shadows slowly emerged the two people I’d least expected to see.
Kirsty and Martine.
They both looked as taken aback as we were for a moment, but Kirsty was the first to recover.
“Wow,” said Kirsty, tossing her jet-black sheen of hair and glowering at me scornfully. “You’ve finally decided to show your face out? Though what a face. Really, Amelia, it’s not Halloween yet.”
I recoiled, and suddenly felt my throat closing up. I looked at Ruby but she was more silent and grave than I had ever seen her, her eyes glued on Kirsty with an unfathomable stare.
Martine had to add her pinch of salt, of course. “And in the best outfit I’ve seen in a long time. Really, Amelia, where do you get your clothes? The brand must be quite...unique. Granny’s Union, is it, Melia?”
Witty, oh-so-very witty and original, Martine. Couldn’t she think of anything better to say? Of course, her remarks were nothing next to Kirsty’s tongue. She was short, subtle, but stinging at the same time. Kirsty cut deep down, twisting the knife round and round till she drew blood. She was like a fox-terrier - once she had her teeth in she was relentless and would never let go.
Kirsty met Ruby’s stare, giving her a withering look and trying to tear her apart.
“Hanging out with Rendalls, are we, Harper?” started Kirsty, her eyes glittering and hard. “Think yourself important, hanging round with this dirt? Think she’s anything more than muck?”
Something in her tone boiled my blood and I snapped, “Shut up! You don’t even know her! You can’t say things like that!”
“Found your voice, Harper? It been hiding ‘neath all your rolls?” spat Kirsty, daring me to say anything more.
Then I did something I had dreamed of doing for an eternity but had never mustered up enough courage to. I raised my hand and slapped Kirsty Brightman straight across her cheek.

She stepped back quickly, holding a hand to the inflicted cheek, looking as astounded as if I’d grown a third ear. A flush was spreading across her cheeks and her lip curled disdainfully. Suddenly, she grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it so viciously it felt like my roots were being wrenched out. I let out a cry, drawing away and then Ruby took hold of Kirsty and yanked her back with a strength I didn’t know she had.
They stood facing each-other, panting. No-one was saying anything now; the space between the two girls was so thick with tension none of us dared to breathe. And then Ruby placed a hand on Kirsty’s shoulder, and parted her lips. “You say one more word to my friend. You touch her for a second and I’ll get you, d’you hear, I’ll have you, Kirsty Brightman. You’ll be sorry you were ever born.”

It looked like they were going to stand there all night and then Kirsty turned around, her face red with fury. She muttered something to Martine and they walked off back into the shadows.
Ruby put an arm around my shoulders and we stood there waiting for the bus to arrive. I didn’t care about the insults and the pain, because there was a taste in the air, it tasted glorious, it tasted new and fresh.
It tasted like victory.