Cut out my heart

Cut out my heart (14th October, 2008, 3.13pm)

You carve your name into my skin
in the place where I wrote the word
‘THIN’
with something sharp;

look how many inches now
are filled with ink and scars;
my mantra illustrated.
Pick a mantra, they said,
so I did:
my body is my temple,
my body is my masterpiece…

but I can only mark the skin
and not the flesh that lies beneath.

My brain clicks throughout lectures;
how to work my way down
inch by precious inch,
layer by layer,
peel and pinch;
you drag me to lunch
but I refuse to eat;
I have worked out how.

With every dropped pound
I save myself a fortune;
dress in baggy jeans, long sleeves
to hide the vestiges
of sinking limbs,
the whisperings of starvation
as it begins to show.

No, don’t go;
to be alone inside my shrinking skin
would be too much;
I’d cut out my heart
before I’d part with you.

Jennifer Pickup