Christmas Flasher

I'd planned all day, my party piece
prepared for all pit falls.
I'd shaved and shaped my chest hair
in a cock and hairy balls.

I bought a ribbon for my dick
and tied a little bow.
And with your lipstick written
on my belly; 'Fuck me, hoe!'

I'd blown up flavored condoms
and hung them from the light
and wrote a sexy banner;
'Your Getting Cock Tonight!'

I'd been down to the bakers
with a special order too,
for a twenty five inch penis
cake, that said, 'You Wish, Don't You!'

I dyed your Labrador bright pink
and - just to get you vexed -
hung a sign around his neck
saying, 'Hurry Up, I'm Next!'

I stood up on the table,
with the lights out in the dark.
Proud of my massive hard-on
and my well-thought-out lark.

The tension brought out goose-bumps
I thought that I would cum,
this was made worse, when the dog
started to lick my bum.

Eventually, the door creaked
and I heard the light switch click;
I shouted Happy Christmas,
while playing with my prick.

I turned around and bent down,
with my arse up in the air
but when I looked out through my knees;
I got an awful scare

For captured in this rare frame;
a face to make hell freeze.
It had a tash and three large warts;
it was your mum, Louise!

She stood with her mouth open,
observing what was shown.
The bitch recovered quickly
and then whipped out her phone.

I saw the flash and pondered
just how the scene must look.
Clear as day I got the smell,
of my goose being cooked.

The dog; licking the helmet
of the large knob, on the cake;
she said, 'Oh, that is lovely'
and I said, 'Oh, Fuck's sake!'

She put it up on 'Facebook',
which took a bit of nerve
and underneath, the title;
'My son-in-law, the Perve!'

She's really screwed my life up;
the dirty looking tool.
Last week I got arrested
outside the local school.

The Labrador is gone now,
they took him yesterday;
he's being checked for sex-abuse
by R.S.P.C.A.

So lads, please take a warning,
and don't end up like me.
If planning something similar,
make sure there's no spare key!