Shopping

Shopping

Buy a pint of milk and a loaf of bread
That is what my lady said
So I’m off to the shops without delay
Her every order I must obey

The shop keeps the milk in metal racks
Arranged in giant four foot stacks
But now doubts begin to enter my mind
I’ve found the milk but don’t know what kind?

Pints or litres with coloured tops
Red, blue, silver, will it ever stop
Full fat, semi-skimmed, skimmed, organic
Faced by the choice I fill with panic

At random I just grab a bottle
And run for the bread at a high speed toddle
At least bread is simple, as we all know
There’s only brown or white loaves so

To my horror the shelves have different packets
Whole loaves or sliced, this is just a racket
Sliced comes in medium, thick or thin
I really don’t know where to begin

Whole meal, long life, white or brown
Every bakery has gone to town
There’re different logos on every one
Where on earth has normal bread gone?

I stagger home a shattered wreck
My lady greets me, “Where the heck
Have you been all this time, may I be so bold?
The house is clean, but your dinner’s gone cold”

I sleep that night with terrible dreams
I’m being chased by a trolley that screams and screams
I run around in all that noise
Learning that shopping is not for boys

Next morning the weather is cold and bleak
But before my partner can even speak
I say, “Your turn love to go shopping today
I’ll just stay home and if I may
I’ll put a new washer on that dripping tap
Remember, you live with a simple chap”

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