The Slab Factory

The Slab-factory

The sun gleamed off the polished brass plate: “ Slab-factory Life Enhancement Clinic”. Mrs Higgins leaned towards the intercom and pressed the buzzer.
‘Hello Slab Factory, can I help you?’ Came the cheery and slightly tinny voice.
‘I have a 10:30 appointment with Dr Tyler,’ said Mrs Higgins looking slightly flushed
‘Okay, just push the door’ replied the voice, and the door started to make a slight buzzing noise.

She entered a fine old hall way. High up, stained glass windows threw shafts of coloured light onto the finely patterned floor, her footsteps echoed loudly into the dark recesses of the gothic alcoves as she made her way to the reception desk, which sat in a pool of light towards the end of the hall, behind which were a few different doorways.
She checked in with the smiling receptionist and sat in one if the leather chair. Just as she reached out to pick up one of the carefully arranged magazines, a handsome, greying man swept out of one of the doorways and offered her his hand.
‘Mrs Higgins, wonderful to meet you’ he exclaimed with a smile.
Mrs Higgins shook his hand as she rose to her feet.
‘Thank you’ she said. Feeling pleasantly surprised. Dr Tyler gently ushered her into his office.
‘Please, sit down Mrs Higgins’ said Dr Tyler, gesturing towards one of a pair of plush looking armchairs near a coffee table.
‘Would you like a drink? Tea or coffee, or perhaps a cold drink?
‘Tea would be lovely, thank you’ said Mrs Higgins. She carefully sat in the chair as Dr Tyler spoke into his intercom.

Mrs Higgins had as good as signed the contract before the tea was set before her. Dr Tyler explained everything clearly, beautifully and caringly. She signed the contracts and was admitted one week later.

She was gowned up and had read carefully through all the information she had been given, but even so she was a little nervous. She supposed that was natural; she was nervous and excited at the same time. To help her nerves she concentrated on what she had learned in her little group. To help smooth over the whole event she had been put in a pre-slab group. Mrs Higgins enjoyed her group; it felt like being with friends who really understood her. It was run by Dr Tyler and it was during her group sessions that Mrs Higgins first learnt about one of the side affects of slabbing. This was called Bioswap.
Basically – she discovered – humans have an internal market place where they exchange suffering for pleasure, or vice versa. So, for instance, exercise makes you tired but also makes you feel good. The body suffers but the mind benefits; one sells and one buys. Or studying, for instance, one part of the mind suffers whilst another part learns more. This was the principle of Bioswap. And slabbing worked according to this principle. In order to buy control of her bitterness- which was what she was here for - she would have to exchange something. Dr Tyler explained how this would be different for each person and they all had to take a series of tests to see what would work best in each individuals case. Some people would have to practise meditation in order to control whatever they were having slabbed. Others would perhaps have to endure half an hour of pain. You could even use sex. Or – as it turned out in Mrs Higgins case – you could use exercise in your Bioswap. Mrs Higgins slab would come with an exercise bike. Again Dr Tyler explained how this worked; you could choose any activity which worked for you, but the normal positive side-effects of that activity would be replaced with control of the slab. Mrs Higgins would have to use her exercise bike every day, but the exercise element would be removed and replaced with control of the slab. So it wouldn’t make her any fitter, nor would she experience any endorphins kicking in, but she would no longer feel bitter. Mrs Higgins felt that it would all be worth it.

It was Friday at 2:30 when Mrs Higgins eventually had her Slab-factory appointment. Dr Tyler escorted her into the factory. It wasn’t as beautiful as the reception building. Well it wouldn’t be; it was a factory. All around her the slabbing machines were thudding down. She had expected the slabs to be big but even so it was daunting to stand right in front of them. The machines must have stood at least twenty foot high with cables and tubes hanging off them. You could easily see the two halves of the slab. One lay exposed beneath the machine and the other was gripped right at the top, amidst the cables. They were a polished dark grey and about six foot square and two foot deep. Next to each machine was what looked like a reclining hair salon chair. Dr Tyler introduced the machine operator, a bearded man named Derrick, to Mrs Higgins and then helped her into the chair. She lay back as they fixed up the wires and meters and then when everything was prepared Dr Tyler came and sat on a stool next to her.
‘Is everything alright Mrs Higgins?’ he gave her a comforting smile.
‘I think so’ Mrs Higgins said nervously.
Dr Tyler held her hand and leant towards her.
‘Okay, I need you to concentrate on the bitterness, don’t think of anything else, just like you did in your pre-slab course.’
Mrs Higgins closed her eyes. It was surprisingly easy to picture all the nasty things her husband had done…how he had been screwing that dirty bitch when she thought he was at work. How her mother said she had brought it on herself. She had been taught in her pre-slab course to express as much pain as possible and she was getting the hang of it. She wanted to kill him…and her…and her.
‘Well done, well done’, coached Dr Tyler as he and Derrick watched the meter climb up the scale. They were both waiting for the bitterness to reach its maximum level before they slabbed it. The needle climbed higher and higher until it hung at 992 Derrick looked at Dr Tyler but Dr Tyler indicated for him to wait. These doctors always think they know better, thought Derrick, he was sure it wouldn’t climb any higher and he was right. After a while Dr Tyler gave him the nod. Derrick quickly calibrated the pressure and then released the slab mechanism. It hurtled down with almost inconceivable force, and wallop! The bitterness was slabbed. Derrick set about making sure it had sealed properly as Dr Tyler saw to Mrs Higgins.

Mrs Higgins, or Cynthia, as she now preferred to be called, left The Slab-factory that same day. She felt wonderful, the smile just wouldn’t leave her face, it was irrepressible. After all these years she had beaten the feelings. From now on she just knew that life would be different.

She had to be at home on the Monday morning to take delivery of the slab. She had had a spare room adapted for it; the floor had been strengthened and a lock had been put on the door; she didn’t really want anyone to know she had a slab. The men came and installed it without too much trouble and although it took up the whole room as long as no-one went in there, no one would ever know. It had a meter fitted and she had been given the operation instructions to read through.

She would have to carry a discreet alarm with her at all times which would go off if the pressure started dropping. In that case she had about an hour to get home and deal with the problem by using her exercise bike – this was her Bioswap. She would also have to use her bike each morning and evening for around an hour a day. It sounded awkward but it was infinitely better than being consumed with bitterness.

That first year – after the slab – was wonderful. It was full of laughter and fun. She felt just as she had when she was in her twenties, life seemed light and bubbly instead of the dark tunnel that had become her latter years. Of course it wasn’t perfect. Sometimes her alarm would go off and she would have to rush home and spend half an hour on the exercise bike. She would never be able to go too far from home, but that wasn’t too much to bare. She wasn’t planning to go anywhere far at her age.

She had taken up bingo, and it was during one of her Friday afternoon games that her alarm went off. She finished the game, then made her excuses and left for the short walk home. She hadn’t gone far when she tripped on a loose paving stone and landed awkwardly. As she tried to get up a sharp pain shot up her leg. She tried several times but simply couldn’t get up. A passer-by called an ambulance and although the paramedics were professional and Cynthia was extremely anxious.

What could she do? She was likely to be in hospital for a month at least and the slab alarm had been going off continuously. She got hold of a telephone and called Dr Tyler. He tried reassuring her, but the facts were that because it was her bitterness that was slabbed only she could control it…bloody Bioswap.

So she spent the next month in hospital, waiting for her leg to recover and dreading the onset of the bitterness again. She was angry with Dr Tyler for not foreseeing this situation; angry with the hospital for not realising what they were putting her through; angry with the council for not looking after their paving stones better. She felt so frustrated being cooped up and the more she thought about it the angrier she got. Much of the anger was motivated by fear; she didn’t want to go back out there and feel the way she did before she had been slabbed. However, rationalising it didn’t really help. Eventually the fear and the frustration brought on depression. By the time she left hospital Cynthia was a shadow of her former self. And of course…she was bitter as hell.

The gauges on the slab read zero – all the bitterness had seeped out. Cynthia sank down on her knees and wept, she couldn’t remember having ever felt so low. She became a recluse and although her friends came to see her and she was often missed at bingo, she couldn’t be helped. Eventually word got back to Dr Tyler about what had happened and he made an appointment to come and see her. It didn’t take him long to see the state she was in.
He gently shook his head
‘You poor, poor thing.’ For a minute he sat in silence.
‘You do know that we can re-slab the bitterness, he said hesitantly. ‘And we could slab your depression’. ‘We could do it at a special price. I could make an emergency appointment for you, and in no time you would be right as rain.’
Cynthia was delighted; in her dejected state it had never occurred to her that slabbing would work on depression, or that the bitterness could be re-slabbed.
For the first time in months she saw a window of hope.
‘Yes…that would be lovely!’ she exclaimed excitedly.

Just a month later...

‘Bingo’ shouted Cynthia, and with the old bounce back in her step went to collect her prize. Life was back to normal again and it felt good. She was walking back to her seat when she heard a slight bleeping in her ear.
‘I’ve got to rush girls, busy, busy, busy!’, she called to her friends. And before they had time to answer, she was rushing back home and peddling the Bioswap bike for all she was worth as she watched the gauge slowly climb out of the red. She now had two slabs to keep her busy, and in June was going to get her gossiping done as well. After all…it was about time she got her life in order.