Hero

He was a hero, my boy
They told me that
When they handed me the flag
He was a son
You can be proud of
The sergeant said
Cold comfort, those words
He died in some god forsaken
Desert I will never see
I will never know
His final thoughts
Were they for king and country
Or was there one last flickering
Thought of home and family
Did he know how much we loved him?

His friends file past
Bending to hug me close
We cling to each other briefly
My watery thanks tremble on my lips
For their presence, their caring
Young, scared men and women themselves
Their eyes meet mine
With uncertainty and compassion
But oh, my thoughts carry on
What change has his passing brought
In the greater universe
Is there a gaping hole in it as well as our lives
What child unborn, what deed not done
What words not spoken, what love not shared.
How can I make sense of this?

I know for now
This is a nightmare
From which I will not wake
But- will my heart accept
Upon waking at some distant time
That he did what he had to do
Knew the risk, counted the costs
And found them acceptable
Held himself up to be true and honourable
Proceeded as he knew he must
Sacrificing himself for many
Who will never know his name
Nor his deed
But accept it as their due
As they pass their life in a country
Whose freedom is won by blood
On foreign shores
So many lives lost.
Why does this need to be?

Shall I turn away now
Tears flowing like his life blood
Knowing it can not be undone.
Oh, that I could have bartered
With the author of death
I would have traded
Gladly traded, my life for his.
Now all I can do is
Wait for time to blunt the pain
Learn to live with the loss
Let the anger seep from me
Accept it with as much equanimity
As possible
I must carry on.
This is not a final goodbye
Though now I turn away
He will be in my thoughts forever.
Treasured and loved.
Can a hero ever be forgotten?