SLOTH IV

SLOTH IV

(The following is a journal entry left by the 4th century monk, Evagrius Ponticus concerning his discovery of “the eight deadly sins”)

Dear God,

I do not care. I do not care any longer about you, your “kingdom,” your supposed “son” who died on the cross as they say, your followers, your church, your tenants, or the fact that your rules are to be followed, even as though they were obviously written down by men, who no more special than myself, simply want to force people into doing what they say. While conjuring you up, writing a book about you, telling all the tallest of tales to and fro about your great angry attacks on humanity and all the little blisses that we are supposed to ascribe to you as well---well, for that I have to admit I am a bit impressed, however, in finding all of this to be complete and useless fiction, not helping me at all in my own life, I just don’t care anymore.

My neighbor, you know, the one that I stole from and coveted his woman, he came to my house again today. When he did, I spat in his face. I spat in his face and cursed your name to him. I told him that he needs to learn to fight his own battles and that anyone who stole from him was long gone by now.

No longer a devoted man of the cloth, I take off this cloth and I burn it with the leftover oil that I didn’t use masturbating in the corner. My prayers, dear Lord, have gone unanswered long enough. I have exiled myself to this desert hole where there are no women, no good food, and nothing to do except get on my knees and pretend to talk to someone who never talks back by closing my eyes and hoping really hard.

Gleefully Godless,

Evagrius, AD 375