That Stupid Woman

Little roundhead,
blonde hair darkening,
she watched you
struggling for breath,
chest caving,
eyes wide with fear.
She tried to soothe, panic rising.
But in the face of your distress
she was hesitant, helpless –
BLOODY USELESS!

Later
when your head rolled back,
so heavy at her side
your lips so blue –
did she recall
that other livid face?
A day of Death.
Beloved countenance,
Freeze-framed.
Forever lost.
And in those last
few moments,
claimed by others
not by right of love or line.

No thanks to her
we watch you now at play.
That day,
we watched together,
she and I
your boys own tee shirt
ripped away, in seconds.
Thin white chest exposed
beneath a stranger’s hands.

Helplessly complicit,
I thought it was the end
for you and me.
And so did she.

Little sweetheart,
trusting to me.
Dinosaur expert,
football mad
(gravely explaining the ‘offside’ rule).
In my heart I make a vow.
Next time,
if danger threatens,
your mother will be
AN AMAZON!

But
when I look into the mirror
and see
that stupid woman
staring back?
I find
I still cannot forgive her.