Solitaire

By queen beatle

Thu, 12 Jan 2012
  • 1370 reads
7 comments
 

Many, many times I've told you
How I wanted just to hold you
But I'm not frightened anymore.

All the others want to mould you
But they only seem to scold you
Leaving fist-marks on the door.

You left me on my own
Just playing Solitaire
But when the sun awoke
I'd eaten half the chair.

Life is just an empty card game
No one losing or winning
Passion gone for evermore.

I am just a weary candle
Simply longing to be burning
Until I blacken on the floor.

You left me on my own
Just playing Solitaire
But when the leaves had grown
I found I didn't care.

Certificate U
Poem
Freewriting
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
I think the first, second, fourth and fifth (fifth particularly) stanzas are excellent, but the third and sixth... are you being deliberately obtuse, or grasping at a rhyme? They don't seem to mean anything, just metaphor for the sake of metaphor - can you explain? J x

 

Submitted by jennifer on
p.s. just looked at your profile and I am particularly impressed to discover that you have written such a quality poem at only fifteen years of age! J x

 

Submitted by queen beatle on
Thanks for the feedback, Jennifer! With regard to the third and sixth stanzas, I think you're right about the grasping at the rhymes - I don't really use rhymes much in my poetry, and haven't quite perfected the techninque yet - but this poem isn't edited yet, so I'll take your advice and try and improve the rhymes. The metaphors, however, do have a deliberate meaning - for example, the sun as a symbol of new awakening, and the chair-eating bit is to communicate how I felt like I was "digging my own hole" kind of thing, if you know what I mean. This has been quite a long reply :) but thank you for giving me something to talk about! Morwenna. x

 

Submitted by queen beatle on
p.s I'm sixteen now :) Morwenna. x

 

Submitted by Nolan on
You have been very quiet Morwenna. Will you start posting again soon? I enjoy your work a lot I regard you as one of the best writers around here. I really hope that you are well. Take care & Nolan
 

Submitted by queen beatle on
I find your praise very heartening :) However, I disagree - there are many writers on here doing a much better job than me XD Unfortunately, the reason for my silence is a seemingly unshiftable bout of writer's block. I only seem to be able to do freewriting at the moment. Hopefully, this will soon çlear and I can start writing proper things again! Take care, I hope to hear from you soon. Morwenna. x

 

Submitted by Nolan on
Excellent!