aLetterToLove (IP)

… She was caught by
something, out there by
the river's sea, the sea's
river, some pinnacle,
some glint across a window,
a pane, that gave her space,
space to pause her walking,
to pull at the scarf noose around her
neck, and look in …

But that was later; now,
She held the letter,
she looked at it,
she looked away,
she flinched,
she focused on
walking
through the door,
the space of here to there,
where …

Moving through the rooms,
she unwound the scarf,
like a noose around her
neck, but still,
still …

She threw her lank hat, scarf,
her ebony jacket on the backs
of chairs …
Looking up, another, another her,
another her to her,
noticed
the languidness in shoulders, the urgency of
stiff strides, the weight in the neck,
She, the focus, the
self.
Her, seeing, but not
pointing - Her looked
away – She walked on,
unnoticing …
Unmoved, moved, moving,
she ploughs
around the kitchen, looking
beyond … beyond … searching
for some obviousness ... thing … to do …
and stopping, knowing,
nothing …
just look inward … just
stare
…

But that was later; now, In that bare and
empty room, where they … he
tapped his fingers on his chin –
chained in the moment –
till she moved and released
him to show some care,
some caring for the
self, her self, that he
had hurt
– She sought
to engage and re-engage
and then stopped, stepped
back, shook, and felt
herself ... strong and stared
him stray in the eye,
and gained a poise
to face him with …
… in the eye.

And back to now, and
she stared the cupboard,
the handle, in the face,
and found the strength to
turn and turn away, to
face herself alone, somewhere,
anywhere, somewhere away,
where her headphones in her
ear … listening to music
that made her in child.
And the Her, to She, was
in that moment and
watched her stride,
determined, and held her
in her gaze, a concern outward,
a worry deep inside, and
time slowed and slowed …

… She was caught by
something, out there by
the river's sea, the sea's
river, some pinnacle,
some glint across a window,
a pane, that gave her space,
space to pause her walking,
to pull at the noose around her
neck, and look in …
… and she played the
thoughts, the felts, the
thinkings, the spaces, the
doubts, the solutions
… and she played the
hurts, the
angry, the
giving of allowance, the
peace of pieces, the whole
of holes, and something
clicked, not resolved, not
peaceful, and so she
raised her leg, like a
Cossack, and her leg like
a queen, an Amazonian,
and ran …

Calm the sky, silverine,
and unruffled, the ripples
in the river's flow, soft
flow, soft strain, as she
ran to return, and
she unwound the scarf
again and felt this
time, not resolved, not
easy, but breathing …

And She faced Her,
and her faced she,
and her gave she
permission to breathe in,
to exhale, to smile,
to unjudge,
to hold her, and feel
her,
and drop down together
to a shared look, and
a sigh, to a hug, to
an embrace, head collapsed
into neck, and her face
christened with her own
pain, yet held she still,
and held her still, and
fade to gentleness and
quietness of grey …