what if i said no instead of yes.

Where would I be today if I had said no?
What are you holding me back from?
Saying yes has ruined me.
I'm not contempt
I'm not happy.
What if I had said no?
Where would I be?
Who would have I met?
Who would have seen me with different eyes?
There is just so much I regret.
Why did I say yes?
Why did I fall in love with your cover not knowing the ugly in you?
Your pages are damaged.
Your story is sad.
You made mine horrific
And feed off my fear.
You love seeing me cornered up cradled into a ball begging you to leave me alone.
You love it.
Sometimes I wake up and wonder
What if I had said no?
Would it be different?
Would I be in love?
Would life be better?
or better yet... would I be happy?
You ask me why I cry
Why am I not happy?
Why am I always scared?
I cry because this is shit!
I'm not happy because you’re a monster!
And I'm scared because I know what you’re capable of.
So where does that leave.
In what position am I really in?
All I can do is pray for a hero.
Stronger than you.
Faster than you
More intelligent.
Someone who can fix my heart and help me trust again.
Someone who can dry my tears when I remember
Someone who will wake me from this nightmare....
Does such a man exist?
I really do hope so.....
Because now all I'm stuck with is
What if.....