Inner voice

Holy shit, here she is. Goddamn, she looks hot. Look at her, man, look at the way she moves. Those legs, Jesus H, what I wouldn’t give to have those legs wrapped round me. Fucking hell, tell her how hot she looks.

“Hey, Hannah, how you doing? You look really... nice.”

“Oh. Thanks, Phil, that’s nice of you to say. How are you?”

Horny for you, baby, so horny for you.

“I’m good, thanks. All the better for seeing you.”

“Okay. Um, shall we get a drink?”

Let’s skip the drink and go straight to the shagging. Come on, baby, ride me like I’m a rodeo bull! Wooooooh!

“Yeah, sure, but listen, first I’ve got something to ask you.”

“Oh?”

Will you show me your tits?

“Look, we’ve been friends for a while, right? And, you know, we’re both single, right? And, you know, I’ve always, sort of, really liked you?”

“Oh, Phil.”

Jesus, just tell her you fancy the arse off her. And what a beautiful arse it is.

“Yeah, so I was kind of wondering, would you like to go out somewhere? With me. Together. At the same time. As a date kind of thing?”

“Oh, Phil. Phil. No.”

Nice one, Philip, you fucking blew it.

“No?”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re really, really nice, and everything. But I just don’t see you like that. I hope we can still be friends. Yeah?”

No, fuck friendship, I want to rip your clothes off and shag your brains out.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Friends is cool.”

“Great, well, I’d better go now. But we should meet up again soon, yeah?”

Yeah, like that’s going to happen. Just tell her she looks fucking amazing and you want to take her back home and go at it like rabbits all night.

“Hannah. You look... you look... fucking amazing.”

“Excuse me?”

Tell her she’s the horniest girl you’ve ever seen.

“You are the horniest girl I have ever seen.”

“Really?”

Christ, yes.

“Christ, yes.”

“Go on.”

Tell her you want to bury your head in her beautiful knockers.

“I want... I want to bury my head in your... your beautiful breasts.”

“Do you now?”

Oh God, yes.

“Oh God, yes, you make me think dirty thoughts.”

“What kind of dirty thoughts?”

Really dirty ones.

“Hannah, I would take you home and do things to you that make you feel so good. I want to get naked with you and do you all night long. I think about your body all the time.”

“Phil.”

Get ready to get slapped.

“Yes?”

“Let’s go back to your place.”

Result!