Fractured

By amlee

Sat, 13 Apr 2013

672 reads

2 comments

How long the minute ticks
how loud the reverberation of unkindly echoes
ricochet within chambers of a null and void heart

How chill the ice daggers
of crippling cryptic delivered without venom
yet poisons hope, drains sparkle from dappled laughter

I am sand to your rock face
scattered dust to your silent howling tempest
fissured, formless remnant of dream castles drifting into thin air

Comments

This is a lovely piece,

Permalink Submitted by The Walrus on Sat, 2013-04-13 20:33

This is a lovely piece, Amlee, and the use of language is excellent. Personally I would omit the word 'rampage' from the first stanza, you don't need it and the poem flows better and says it all without it, but that's up to you. I particularly like the last stanza, by the way - that wraps it up beautifully.

Thanks for that Walrus. I

Permalink Submitted by amlee on Sat, 2013-04-13 20:57

Thanks for that Walrus. I dithered over "rampage", guess you're right about over alliterating! Now removed. Thank you lovely editors for cherries. Andrée : )

Andrée

Fractured

By amlee

Comments

This is a lovely piece,

Thanks for that Walrus. I

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