TUBA CZAR

i never ski or scuba
but i love to play the tuba
in fact, the people call me tuba czar

i love to go parading
with my tuba serenading
it makes me feel just like i am a star

oh sure, i don't play frantic
and it doesn't sound romantic
a tuba will not capture many hearts

not like a flute that's chirping
it sounds more like someone burping
or even worse, at times, it sounds like farts

and the weight of it reminds you
of an albatross that binds you
it gets so heavy, you can hardly stand

and i do not have to mention
though it hardly gets attention
it clearly is the backbone of the band

a fine figure, i am cutting
as down boulevards, i'm strutting
my tuba, oscillating left and right

i like to start my morning
with some breakfast and some horning
and i'll play my tuba deep into the night

sometimes, neighbors are complaining
when those tuba notes start raining
and they think that their poor eardrums might just pop

and they wish i'd move to cuba
so they wouldn't hear my tuba
but the tuba czar is not inclined to stop