Typical

That morning seventeen years ago began like any other. It was the kind of morning you could spread across a piece of burnt toast. Which, ironically, is what I decided to have for breakfast that day; burnt toast and a glass of warm vimto. My morning routine is as follows, awake, get up, walk out of room etc. You get the idea, that sort of thing. But this morning was unlike any other, contrary to what I just said. I sat down with my warm vimto and burnt toast and read an interesting article in the ‘Daily Quail’ which turned out to be about quail. I muttered to myself "Huh, I didn’t know that about quail," several times while reading it. But anyway! I made a cup of cold coffee, spilt it down my shirtfront and walked out the door. This would prove to be fatal error. I fastened my tie, it was a cardinal knot, that’s: Over, under, over, under, under, over, through the loop, over, under, under, over, over.

So that was it, my queer adventure had begun. I walked up to the tube station. And what an interesting walk it was. I saw a stray dog and two bins that had been blown over by the wind. Crikey mikey, what a walk it was! But that was just the beginning. When I got to the station it was closed. I exclaimed the most offensive profanity I knew and continued the journey on foot. Then it happened! I inadvertently collided with an odd looking fellow.

"Awfully sorry my dear old chap," he rudely exclaimed.

"I find that extremely offensive,." I appropriately replied.

"I'm awfully sorry if I offended you in any way."

"You just don't know when to shut up!"

"I'm awfully sorry, but I can't quite fathom the source of your ire."

"That’s it! Take one of these."

I knocked him out cold.