Finding Yourself

I sometimes looked at myself in the mirror and regretted who I was. Not the way I looked, not really.... Or the way I acted, not often.... but myself in general.
Should I have been a different gender? Perhaps.
Should I have made different decisions than the ones I’ve made? Yes.
Should I make more of an effort to be more like others? Supposedly so.
And... Should I worry so much about whether I’ll regret the aftermath of my decisions? 

I spent many days, months and years looking at my reflection, the results of my actions and wondering whether I should be feeling this confused.
Should I be thinking these thoughts?
Should I question my sexuality?
Should I feel these mixed emotions?
And... Should I dream so much of the future instead of concentrating on the now?
I’ve been this way so long, it’s hard to remember what it was like before..
When feelings were simple. 
When happy was happy and sad was sad. 
When anger was explained and not simply there. 
And... When I would only question the world instead of myself.

Then one day as I thought all these things, like every other day... I realised nothing was wrong, I was just like any other person and my confusion was simply the confusion of the whole world echoing through my mind, as it echoes through the minds of countless other young and older people.
Everyone has doubts.
Everyone has worries.
Everyone is unsure.
And... Everyone regrets.
All we can do is keep on living, keep on sorting through our minds and wondering when we will settle... Some may, but others will continue in the endless cycle of trying to find themselves, fighting through the crowds of people pretending they know where and who they are by blending into the mass of dark shadows pretending they’re light... all together so they don’t realise how alone this makes them.
Everyone has their own colour to flourish in.
Everyone has one thing that makes them who they are.
Everyone has something that makes them unique.
And... Everyone will try to find these things to live to their true potential.

Considering all this, we need to realise some people don’t have the chance to even begin to understand themselves.
Some people can’t afford to be themselves.
Some people don’t have the support they need to be themselves.
Some people don’t have the courage and will power to be themselves.
And... Some people won’t except that they’re different...not part of the crowd of shadows, which is strange... because every dull shadow is just hiding something precious and beautiful within and every one of those people you see bustling through live, doing things to make them like the other people who are doing things to be like the other people, in a cycle that endlessly goes on and on.
Some people just need the support.
Some people just need a friendly nudge in the right direction.
Some people just need hope.
And... some people just need to believe in themselves.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what your problems or doubts are... all that matters is that you be the best you can and try your best to allow yourself to sort the confusing rushing around your mind. 
Then you’ll know what to do with your life. 
Then you’ll know what really matters.
Then you’ll know what is worth regretting.
And... Then you’ll know that even though life is full of problems and hardships, it’s not worth messing up the mess that already lives within your head.