Epic Rap battle Hawke vs Shepard vs Grey warden vs Dragonborn

By rachel1712

Sat, 10 May 2014
  • 395 reads
 
 
Shepard
 
I am the bad ass saviour of worlds, i fought creatures you cant comprehend,
 
You fools have got nothing on me, i destroyed the reapers and I'll do the same to you this i intend,
 
I am the best there is, so lets not pretend,
 
 Your all so pathetic, no wonder why you all fail,
 
Cos i am coming down hard like hail,
 
You got no chance, you kill dragons i kill machines,
 
and you guys don't even have cool figurines.
 
 
 
Hawke
 
Listen here you little prick, i got more skill in my little finger than you do in your entire body,
 
You cant compete in this battle, all you do is argue with everybody,
 
go cry to the council oh wait they don't listen to you,
 
Aww do you want me to hand you a tissue.
 
 
 
Shepard
 
Cry i don't cry, i kill little shits like you everyday,
 
and if anybody's gonna cry it's gonna be you cos your game is so gay,
 
you might want send out a mayday,
 
Just like the commander of the grey,
 
couldn't they invent a better name,
 
you don't even have game,
 
it's a damn shame,
 
why don't you just take the blame,
 
cos your video game is lame.
 
 
 
Warden
 
Fuck you, you misfit,
 
You can dish it out but can you take it,
 
you got blown up just cos your crippled pilot wouldn't leave the cockpit,
 
your nothing but a hypocrite,
 
my name has class, a meaning that's legit,
 
i have had it with your bullshit.
 
 
 
Hawke
 
Ha are you people listening to yourselves, your like babies,
 
you act like you have rabies,
 
you have class that's a first,
 
Your friends with a witch of the wilds your just cursed,
 
and your only other warden didn't even trust you enough to tell you he is a prince,
 
and when you found out you just spilled lies ever since,
 
What about you commander Shepard, i didn't know they handed out titles like drinks,
 
Ha your just a jinx,
 
just ask your crew oh wait most of them are dead, 
 
and the rest just fled.
 
 
Dragonborn
 
The jarl don't pay me enough to deal with you prats,
 
your all just like rats,
 
i am the only one here worthy of my title,
 
if you can't hear i'll just shout or would you prefer a subtitle,
 
I am the harbinger of the companions, the thane of nine holds, archmage of the college of winterhold, not to mention the  dragonborn,
 
When you all pass i'll make sure i'll mourn.
 
 
 
Shepard
 
Are you fucking kidding me,
 
your guards give up on life if they take an arrow to the knee,
 
you other two just make me wanna go rampages,
 
at least i don't hang out with elves and blood-mages
 
 
 
Warden
 
Your ship got destroyed by a flying shit,
 
You can't talk, look at your outfit,
 
what were you thinking,
 
maybe you were to busy drinking.
 
 
 
Dragonborn
 
Bring it on you bitches,
 
cos your games have so many glitches,
 
and all your friends are witches,
 
and you both only care for riches.
 
 
 
Hawke
 
Oh yer you can shout dragons down but you can't handle a bear,
 
you just smell of despair,
 
and commander at least my crew are loyal to me even if i don't do their mission,
 
you lack ambition,
 
i rose from refugee to champion in just three acts,
 
so maybe you should get the right facts.
 
 
 
Shepard
 
Your companions have so much hate its fucking funny,
 
and i don't care for money,
 
shall i go though your team,
 
You have anders the abomination with an infatuation,
 
fenris a lyrium tattooed brooding jackass without an education,
 
Merrill a dumb blood mage with a poor choice of migration,
 
Isabella a slutty pirate who has no morals and has poor presentation,
 
varric a midget who should keep his mouth shut and has to much imagination,
 
and aveline a bull- busting she hulk with a terrible reputation,
 
so had enough Hawke,
 
cos i have more talk.
 
 
 
Dragonborn
 
Don't bring the companions into this,
 
this is between us , your just taking the piss,
 
and with your aim it's is easy to miss,
 
you really should have learned to dis,
 
before coming back from the abyss.
 
 
 
Warden
 
Why don't you shout at somebody who cares,
 
oh wait you should start running cos i think i hear bears,
 
Not to forget mass effect's ending,
 
nice colors for all that defending,
 
i don't know what's worse. your ending or the dragonborn's condescending.
 
 
 
Dragonborn
 
You wanna go my thu'um will shatter your bones,
 
don't worry i will write how you died on your gravestones,
 
I've had it, i am ending this now,
 
and you wanna know how,
 
FUS RO DAH that's how.
Certificate 15
Poem
Humour