The Down and Out King - 26

WILLIAM

The cloth vos laid in the vorkhouse hall,

And the greatcoats hung on the vitevash’d vall,

The paupers all vere blythe and gay,

Keeping their Christmas holiday;

When the master he cried, with a roguish leer,

You’ll all get fat on your Christmas cheer;

And one, by his looks, he seem’d to say,

I’ll have some more soup on this Christmas day!

It is getting time for us to think about preparations for the great Christmas feast. This is my first here, but others have said it is the best day of the year. I have been given orders to buy supplies
for cook to make all sorts of wonderful confections.

The plan is to serve at 2 p.m. a dinner of roast beef, potatoes both roast and boiled, plum pudding, best cheese, and one pint of porter each. But I was told things were not always quite like this. When the new union workhouses (of which this is one) were set up by the 1834 Poor Law Amendment Act, things were rather different. The Poor Law Commissioners ordered that no extra food was to be allowed on Christmas day (or any other feast day). The rules also stated that "no pauper shall be allowed to have or use any wine, beer, or spirituous or fermented liquors, unless by the direction in writing of the medical officer."

By 1840, the Poor Law Commissioners revised their rules to allow extra treats to be provided, so long as they came from private sources and not from union funds. Following the Queen's marriage to Prince Albert in 1841, the Victorian celebration of Christmas took off in a big way, with the importing of German customs such as Christmas trees and the giving of presents. Dickens' A
Christmas Carol also raised the profile of the event. In 1847, the new Poor Law Board who succeeded the Poor Law Commissioners relented further and sanctioned the provision of Christmas extras from the rates.

Apparently it now is also the custom for local dignitaries to visit their union workhouse and dispense food and largesse. The workhouse dining-halls will be decorated with evergreens, mottos and guilded stars and Prince of Wales plumes and entertainments organised. The chapel will also be decorated with holly and over the Communion-table will be a cross of Christmas berries. On the walls will go the words "Emmanuel, God with us". One ounce of tobacco will be given to each man, snuff to the old ladies, and oranges and sweets to the children.

After tea, which will be comprised of cake and bread and butter, a capital magic lantern display will be given followed some ancient ditties, sung by the old people, and those who like will be allowed to join in a dance.

There is a poem which Sam found for me which relates experiences in another Workhouse at Christmas time, and I will add it in here. It doesn’t list an author but he no doubt had personal experience. As you read it, you have to imagine a pause before the last line – when the
audience may well have already thought of what they feel is an appropriate rhyming ending for the verse.

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse

The merriest day of the year

The paupers and the prisoners

Were all assembled there

In came the Christmas pudding

When a voice that shattered glass

Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding

Sostick it there  - with the rest of the unwanted presents"

 

The workhouse master then arose

And prepared to carve the duck

He said "Who wants the parson's nose

And the prisoners shouted  - "you have it yourself sir"

 

The vicar brought his bible

And read out little bits

Said one old crone at the back of the hall"

This man gets on  - very well with everybody"

 

The workhouse mistress then began

To hand out Christmas parcels

The paupers tore the wrappers off

And began to wipe their  - eyes,

which were full of tears

 

The master rose to make a speech

But just before he started

The mistress, who was fifteen stone

Gave three loud cheers and  - nearly choked herself

 

And all the paupers then began

To pull their Christmas crackers

One pauper held his too low down

And blew off -  both his paper hat and the man's next to him

 

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce

Was handed round to some

An aged gourmet called aloud

"This bread sauce tastes like it was  - made by a continental chef

 

"Mince pie with custard sauce was next

And each received a bit

One pauper said "The mince pie's nice

But the custard tastes like -  the bread sauce we had in the last verse !"

 

The mistress dishing out the food

Dropped custard down her front

She cried "Aren't I a silly girl"

And they answered "You're a  - perfect picture as always ma'am !"

 

"This pudding ", said the master"

It's solid, hard and thick

Hhow am I going to cut it ?"

And a man cried "Use your -  penknife sir,

the one with the pearl handle"

 

The mistress asked the vicar

To entertain his flock

He said "What would you like to see ?"

And they cried "Let's see your  - conjuring tricks,

they're always worth watching"

 

"Your reverence may I be excused ?"

Said one benign old chap

"I don't like conjuring tricks

I'd sooner have a -  carol or two around the fire"

 

So then they all began to sing

Which shook the workhouse walls

"Merry Christmas!" cried the master

And the inmates shouted -

"Best of luck to you as well sir !"