Embrace your vulnerability

By mw

Fri, 22 Aug 2014
  • 806 reads
3 comments
 

Uncertainty.... the tentative word that denounces your identity
The limitless phrase that stunts your essence
In hesitation we seek confirmation, gratification and acknowledgment.

Freedom of expression, creativity, radiates your passion
Fun, humour and love are foundations we can build on
Not the unstable structures of insecurity, uncertainty and fear.

If we acknowledge our vulnerability
Embrace our difficulty
We can build a fortress of strength

How can anyone judge or attempt to crumble
When your imperfections are solid... present
Loved and accepted as part of your core

Certificate U
Other
Poetic Rambles
Philosophy

Comments

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

It's an ambitious piece. I'd like to see it with a clearer structure.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by mw on

Hi and thanks for your comment :)
I am not a professional writer... I just jot things down in my moleskin... so I would love it if you could elaborate? Structure how? 

Thanks. 

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

Well there are so many things that you can do. You could:

-Choose a key image (the fortress of strength for example) and link each stanza to it.

- Use a refrain ( a repeated or subtly varied line or two - like a chorus)

-Bring in some repated rhythms, or rhymes or half rhymes.

-Use sentence structures that reflect the mood of your poem and change as you go.

I just felt the piece had a stream of consciousness feeling about it but lacks the kind of crafted hooks and images that readers need if they are going to connect with your very worthy ideas.

 

 

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Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.