Doubt -- Bonnie Moxnes

By Bonnie Moxnes

BLOOMING TWIG BOOKS         www.bloomingtwig.com

Any creative process—writing or otherwise—has its dark side. Creative types stumble, struggle, and flop. The source of this failure, much of the time, is Doubt.

It doesn’t matter how you go about creating, Doubt is going to enter into the octagon with you, square off, and be ready for a fight. If you think you have all the right reads, Doubt will throw you for a loop.  It’s a particularly dirty fighter that exploits all your subconscious weaknesses… and it never pulls any punches.

I mean, look at this last paragraph. Fighting metaphor for writer’s doubt? Really? C’mon. What are you doing? This is terrible. You’re terrible. You’re just kidding yourself. You’re an absolute failure. You’re a hack.

If you’re a creative type, this should be a familiar battle (it’s a good metaphor, okay).

These little jabs start to build up over time. It’s essentially death by a thousand paper cuts. It kills your willingness to keep weaving creative content. I’ve seen people throw the fight before they even get into the ring, ending their budding career because they let Doubt get the upper hand.

But you shouldn’t feel like you’re the only one having this fight. Everyone faces this particular opponent. Some of the biggest names also take punches to their self-confidence just like the rest of us budding authors. Take a look at Neil Gaiman. This is a man that has already written several award-winning books, short stories, comics, and screenplays--yet, he still gets tripped up by doubt from time to time. Seriously, look at this panic attack:

The last novel I wrote (it was ANANSI BOYS, in case you were wondering) when I got three-quarters of the way through I called my agent. I told her how stupid I felt writing something no-one would ever want to read, how thin the characters were, how pointless the plot. I strongly suggested that I was ready to abandon this book and write something else instead, or perhaps I could abandon the book and take up a new life as a landscape gardener, bank-robber, short-order cook or marine biologist.

- Neil Gaiman, NaNoWriMo Pep Talk

Not to go all schadenfreude on Mr. Gaiman, but when I read that, I feel absolutely validated for every word I’ve been tricked into hating, every interesting idea I ever threw out, and all the manuscripts I’ve wanted to burn out of shame. It happens to everyone, whether it’s your first story to be published or your sixth award-winning novel.

There are ways to dodge around the flurry of blows Doubt throws at you. Mr. Gaiman’s agent pointed out that he—and many others—go through this phase often. And the simple answer is the same for a lot of writerly problems: write it anyway. Just writing shows commitment to your project. You can always change those particular words later; they are not set in stone. But stopping means your story never gets told. Fight through it, take your lumps, and keep moving forward.

While simply writing through it works most of the time, the voice of reason can also help. In order to counteract Doubt’s onslaught, consider filling your corner with a positive audience. There are people that not only support what you’re doing, but want to support what you’re doing. They are looking for any excuse, literally. Sometimes you just need to hear: “Yes! What you’re doing is great! You’re on the right track. Shut up with this nonsense and get to back to it!”

I’d love to say that Doubt will just throw in the towel. It doesn’t. It never will. It keeps up the offensive, forcing you to either fight back or drop to the mat. When you feel like it’s bearing down on you, remember, you’re not in this fight alone.The decision to either fight or fail is obvious; no doubt about it.

Alright, maybe that last set of fight metaphors was too much…

photo credit: davidcnimick via photopin