The Fire Drill

Lucifer :-  What do we do if a church catches fire?

Damon :-  Use a fire extinguisher.

Lucifer :-  Yes but be very careful.  Some of the feelings those fire extinguishers produce
are so cold they could freeze your paws off.  Fire extinguishers should only be used by
devils who are trained to use them.  One demon lost half his face because he was
careless with a fire extinguisher.

Smellius :-  Why put it out?  If a church was on fire I would enjoy it.  Kill all the Christians
inside.

Lucifer :-  Yes.  Let's all go on a church burning weekend in North Africa.  In England we
will be dealing with a different sort of fire.  What sort of flammable materials accumulate
in a church?

Damon :-  Bibles, hymn books, missionary newsletters.

Lucifer :-  Yes.  All of these can cause a fire if left lying around.  You must be careful
never to let large quantities of these accumulate.

Smellius :-  Can computers and overhead projectors cause fires?

Damon :-  The old ones could.  They operated at higher temperatures.  Nowadays there's
more compromise, the prayer of Jabez, God wants to give you an easy life messages.
Everything operates at a lower temperature so computers and projecters are quite safe.

Lucifer :-  Is there anything else that can cause a fire?

Stinken :-  Poisonous gases like brotherly love.

Lucifer :-  Yes.  Brotherly love is like oxygen to a fire.  That's how fire extinguishers work.
They get rid of brotherly love.  How would you evacuate a church that was on fire?

Smellius :-  Why bother?

Lucifer :-  We're not talking about a fire that kills Christians.  A different kind of fire.

Damon :-  Sound the alarm.  Lots of bad stories about the church in the newspapers.

Stinken :-  Distractions.  Non-Christian partners.  Facebook friends.  Electronic media.

Damon :-  Rock music and lager.  Old fashioned but they still work.

Lucifer :-  Very good.  All excellent ways of emptying churches.

Stinken :-  When the novelty has worn off.  When it's not on the six o' clock news anymore.

Lucifer :-  What would happen then?

Smellius :-  Build all the churches next to motorways.  When the Christians get bored they'll
just hop in their cars and go down the motorway to see something else exciting.

Lucifer :-  Thank you Smellius.  You would provide a means of escape.  A revival fire is
something that will probably never happen but its good to have a plan if it does.