The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 23.1: Leave it all Behind

“Excuse me?” She looked at me angry and disgusted.

I blurted without thinking, “Mom! Mom, it’s me your daughter! It’s me, Edith!”

Her eyes watered, “I don’t know who you are but this is a terrible joke.”

She tried to close the door. I was so stunned by seeing her that I wasn’t thinking straight. With a stronger force I stopped her from shutting it locked. She couldn’t match my strength as I held the door open.

I stammered, chocking on my words, “Mom! Please! It’s me! Edith!”

She yelled with tears crowding her eyes, “Stop this right now! You are not my Edith!”

She swung open the door, bolting down the porch stairs. The relator was still inside, dumbfounded by what was happening. 

I chased after my mom, begging, “No, no, no, no! Please listen!” My heart hurt from desperation. Everything about her was as it was when I left her. My throat swelled in reaction to the tears that could not shed from my eyes, “Mom, please! It’s me! Edith Demetria Rothschild.”

She yelled, “Please, stop! Stop it now!” 

She pulled out her car keys.

Running behind her, frantically try to prove to her, “Your name is Florence McGrath,” I continued stammering through facts that would convince her to look at her own daughter, “You were married to Simon Rothschild. Your middle name is Jillian! Please, mom! Look at me!”

She dropped her keys trying to pick out the right one, I quickly snatched them from the ground. Forcing her to pay attention to me, “Look at me! Don’t tell me you can’t see me! Please!”

Weakly, she held out a shaking hand, sobs arresting her words, “Please, just leave me be. Whoever you are. Please, just stop.”

I wanted to cry so badly to prove my sincerity, “No, no, no! Please! It’s me! It’s your Edith!”

From the porch, Ethel yelled, “Noa, what’s going on?” 

In my lapse of attention my mom snatched the keys from my grip. Quickly running to the jeep. At this moment I didn’t care what I had to do to stop her, this was the first familiar face I’ve seen, and the most heartbreaking. She didn’t even recognize me. She couldn’t see me for who I really was.

My mom got in the drivers seat. I couldn’t lose her, I reached for the driver door and used all my strength as she started the car. The car tires spun but my grip kept the car from moving anywhere. She frustratingly slammed her hands on the wheel, sobbing, banging her fists on the dash. 

I yelled, “Mom, please! Mom! Mom! Please! Tell me you know it’s me! Edith!”

She screamed, her intensity startled me, causing me to release my grasp on the car door, “My Edith is gone!” 

She put the car back in gear.

I screamed, my throat scratching at every word, chasing the car as it sped off, “I’m right here! Please! Please! I’m right here! Mom!”

There was no hope in catching up, absolutely no hope in convincing her. Her car turned out of the neighborhood. She was out of earshot and couldn’t hear my pleads any longer. The sorrow that hindered my body knocked me to my knees. Asphalt scrapping my joints I couldn’t help but scream my cries. My eyes though, I could feel them glazed and burning, but I just couldn’t cry. In this life, I was not allowed the release of tears. 

“It’s just not fair, is it?”

I revolved my neck to uncover Lilli standing behind me. Her lips and eyes smiling. Without hesitation, I shot up from the ground, roaring, striking Lilli in the face with my fist. She didn’t resist or flinch, simply accepted the punch and laughed. This made me hate her even more. This made my stagnant blood churn. 

My eyes darted across the landscape. Ethel and the relator were standing limp and motionless, staring at me. The dishrag Ethel was holding was caught in the wind, the clipboard held by the relator had dropped to her feet. My screams had hypnotized them.

Lilli darkly chuckled, speaking lowly, “Why do you insist on caring so much?” I spat at her feet. She continued, serenely, “You’re practically a god as you are. You don’t need these people. You are above them. A small part of you insists on holding on to loving this souls but I know you’re smarter than that, Noa,” She stepped closer to me, “Do you honestly believe there is a lesson to learn from this hell? That you can find peace? Do you sincerely believe that? Or are you slowly understanding this is God’s way of ignoring us?”

I threw another punch, she caught it, bending it to the side, forcing me to kneel to her. A whimper squeezed from my throat as she kicked me in my stomach. Still holding onto my wrist she bends it to force me to stand. 

Twisting my wrist in one hand and pinching my face with the other, she continued, “Many centuries ago I made a deal. You can make the same one. I can save you, Noa. I can make you a god. Immortal. I can give you the power to seek revenge on everyone who got you to this point. I need you to help me finish what I’ve started. Remember what I said… love doesn’t bring the dead back… blood does. Leave it all behind and I can bring you to peace.”

I whispered hatefully, “Go to Hell.”

Her smile darkened, “Oh?” A darker laugh whispered under teeth, “When I’m done, that’s all that will be left.” She released me from her grip. Stepping backwards, ending with a final threat before descending into the shadows, “You act like you hate me… but what you hate is that you see yourself in me.”

The shadow swallowed her feet and she was gone. Her last words drowning and burning an anger in me that kept whispering that she was right. I wanted to hurt everyone who made my life horrible. I wanted everyone who had ever hurt me to feel the same pain. Everyone who made me feel weak, everyone who made me feel worthless, they all deserved my wrath.

I had no idea what future she saw for herself or what future she’d hope I’d take part in but whatever it was… it involved her killing Aaron, which meant I could never succumb to it. 

No matter how poisonous her words were to me, no matter how tempting they were, I could never give into them because of how it affected Aaron. 

Ethel’s advice was lost to me. My hatred for Lilli was increased tenfold. It’s what was driving me to make sure her sentence would be canceled and carried out through Hell.

“Noa?” I turned around, Ethel was standing on the porch, her body swayed as she tried to collect herself, her old, fragile voice, “Noa… I,” She couldn’t hold herself up. As if things couldn’t get any worse, Ethel dropped onto the porch. Passed out cold and hands trembling. 

Running to her side, I saw the relator was recovering just fine. But Ethel was much older than the relator, Ethel wasn’t strong enough to handle my cries. Sprinting up the porch I yelled for Julius frantically. I propped her head on my lap when Julius opened the screen door.

Worriedly, he instructed, “Oh god, quick, get her into the living room.”

He leaned down to try to pick her up from her feet, expecting me to lift her shoulders, but he was having too much trouble. Julius joints couldn’t handle bending like this to pick her up. I had no choice but to just pick her up myself. 

“I got her, Julius.” 

He looked at me a little hurt that I had called him that and not dad but I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.

I dug my hands under Ethel, having no difficulty at all lifting her from the porch. Ethel’s eyes opened and closed several times as I led myself through the house and to the living room couch. Gently, I placed her on the sofa. Julius’s worry was written all over his body. He paced, trying to figure out how to help his unconscious wife. I walked to the kitchen sink, filled up two glasses, and handed one to Julius.

I propped Ethel’s head up on a pillow before easing in a small sip of water. Ethel’s eyes cracked opened, she gave a small smile, “What’s all the hustle about?”

Julius let out a large sigh, “Are you alright, what happened, Ethel?”

She reached for the water in my hand as she answered, “I’ll be fine. I just had a moment. All folks do once and a while. I’m fine.”

Julius wasn’t convinced, “I’m calling the doctor.” 

He quickly left to dial on the phone hanging in the kitchen. Ethel took my hand as she sipped. 

She said, “If you hadn’t had been there I might have been in serious trouble. Thank you.”

Her words scraped at my heartstrings since she wouldn’t have even fallen at all if I weren’t here. Just as Aaron might be still alive if I hadn’t had given into Lilli. Ethel’s and everyone else’s health and safety was in danger because of my history.

I loved them both dearly and I couldn’t put them in danger any longer. 

I stood, “Ethel, Julius, can you two please look at me.” They gave me their confused attention, I said what I should have said days ago, “I need you two to forget me. I need you two to forget my name, my face, my existence, and my relationship with you two. When I walk out that door that is the last time you will ever recognize me.” 

It broke my heart but this wasn’t about what I wanted.  

As my command sunk into their sub-conscience, I solemnly walked to the back porch. 

“Thank you for giving me a home.” 

I opened the screen door and slammed it shut to affirm they’d forget me.

My raven landed at the edge of the porch, hopping closer to my feet. 

I crouched next to it and asked with defeat in every word, “What am I suppose to do now?”

Evening was approaching, the night sky dimmed into the same darkness that was brewing in my soul. I was only sent back to earth to be the grim reaper. Nothing more or less. What I was attempting to embark on was not on the agenda Ardith had for me. Senoi was right, I’m not a guardian and it wasn’t right for me to act like one, to act so noble when I had so many flaws.

Ethel’s advice was a far off ghost with whispers much too distant for me to translate. I would need to abandon the human heart I kept trying to convince myself I still had. I needed to sacrifice it to end Lilli’s tyrant on everyone who I cared about.

The place in my mind where I held all my hope, all my loved ones, all my faith that I could muster up from my heart. I pushed it all to the back corner of my mind where the shadows could play hide and seek within its maze.