no more heroes

 

No more heroes

 

I found out yesterday

That you really don’t and

Never have loved me

It didn’t come as a shock

But hit as hard as death its self

 

Once I would talk constantly about you

Insisting you where the greatest a man alive

You were good looking,

Had the perfect body builder’s physic

A teacher of maths and English at high level

An entrepreneur and bathing in money

 

That was years ago when youth and school

Made you see things through a naive eye

And all the other kids where talking about their heroes

So I didn’t want to feel left out

 

That was 40 years ago, and what is left?

Your good looks have gone.

Your body racked with cancer

You lost your teaching job years ago

Because of your arrogant attitude

And the money and business

Has taken wings and flown.

 

So now you sit in your chair

Dressed in white and grey flannelette pyjamas

With your sports cap on

All grey haired and wrinkled

Your legitimate children around you

Trying to keep a stiff upper lip

And a strength to your voice

So I said I wouldn’t phone you again

As I was sick and tired of your

Bloody dismissal of me

I tried every way possible to get your attention

And respect but all you did was slag me off to my face

And behind my back

 

You upset me so much the last time we spoke

That I swore I would not go to your funeral

You told my elder sister and now ten years of

Treading on eggshells and building bridges with her

And the rest of the kids are destroyed and lie in ruins

 

So I phoned you yesterday and apologised

And you said you don’t accept it

And that you don’t want to get into anything

Then you put down the phone

And then I realized you are and never where

The dad of my child hood dreams

And never will be able to fill this void

I carry in this devastated soul of mine