Dwayne Delivers Again - A Craven Danger Mystery

“Good morning! Thanks for calling the Coffee Pot on the Corner! This is Dwayne speaking! How may I be of service?”

“Well, I’m glad the last thing you said was a question,” said Craven. “ I don’t think I could have put up with another exclamation.”

“Sorry, Mr. Danger. I get excited when that phone rings. You never know what’s on the other end. Could be a normal Adam and Eve and don’t burn the raft order, or it could be a stack ‘em high with blueberries and syrup, or better yet, it could be Detective Sergeant Dowd of the NYPD asking if I seen any suspicious characters lurking about the place, pointing guns and asking for me to clean out the register — or else.”

“Or else what?” said Craven. “Now you’re getting me excited.”

“Or else get stuffed in the trunk of a car — after being gagged and tied up, of course — and taken on a hair raising hundred miles an hour cruise through the city that ain’t looking out for the guy in the trunk of a car.”

“Of course,” said Craven. “That sure sounds like a proper New York City kidnapping all right.”

“Kidnapping!” said Dwayne. “Is that what’s happening?”

“It’s your story, kid. You tell me.”

“Oh, yeah. I get carried away sometimes with my own imaginings. My ma says my head ain’t big enough for all the tales I want to tell, and one day it’s going to explode all over my bed, and she ain’t cleaning up a mess like that for no one! Unless of course she needs the money and has to rent out the room.”

“You’re getting sidetracked, Dwayne. Can we get back to the trunk of the car?”

“Oh, yeah. So I refuse to open the cash register because I’ve been hoping to make employee of the month, and giving up the register isn’t getting me any points. So that’s when I end up in the trunk of the car gasping for air! Then a moment later I hear someone snoring! I tell you, Mr. Danger, I just about lost a load in the seat of my pants when I heard it. Then another moment goes by and I hear a grumpy voice say, Who are you? I wasn’t expectin’ company.”

“I think your ma’s gonna be renting out that room sooner than you think, Dwayne. But don’t let me stop you.”

“So I’m in the trunk of the car with some guy who ain’t gagged like I am. Ya got a cigarette, kid, he says. I’m dyin’ for a smoke. I can’t see him, because it’s too dark and we’re packed together like a couple of spoons. Then I find out he ain’t tied up neither, because he starts going through my trousers looking for smokes! I shake my head no, then he says, How about a stick a gum to ward off the nicotine urges? That’s when I panic and start flailing away with my best body contortions! I only got the one pack of Juicy Fruit left, Mr. Danger,  and I ain’t giving it up for no one. The way I see it, if I make it out alive I’m gonna need all the calming down chewing gum I can handle.”

“Never give up the gum is a good motto, Dwayne.”

“It sure is, Mr. Danger. So I’m twisting this way and that when the car comes to a sudden and screeching halt!”

“My favorite kind,” said Craven.

“Then I hear the sirens and more screeching halts! Then I hear gunfire! Then all is quiet, Mr. Danger. Then I hear footsteps approaching the back of the car. Then I hear muffled voices on the outside of the trunk. Then—“

“You might want to lose a then or two, kiddo. It’ll help calm my nerves. Of which you’re almost getting on.”

“Okay, Mr. Danger, I’ll work on it. Suddenly and without warning the trunk pops open, and there stands Detective Sergeant Dowd! Officer Johnson, he's says, I thought I told you not to get tossed into any more trunks! I turn around in the direction of the guy I’ve been sharing the trunk with and it was the first time I saw a New York City patrolman bawling. So, suddenly, and again without warning, I tell officer Johnson about the chewing gum hidden under my cap.”

“There goes a good motto down the tubes, Dwayne.”

“You can have it, Mr. Danger. Because in the back of that car I was having what you’d call a  ‘moment’ with another poor soul who didn’t know any better then to get himself tossed in the trunk of a car. When all of a sudden Detective Sergeant Dowd gets clobbered on the back of his head by an unknown assailant and gets tossed in the trunk with us! And with an incomprehensible sudden like motion the trunk gets slammed shut!”

“Sorry to interrupt, Dwayne, but if I let you go on it’ll be too late for my breakfast order. So, I’ll have the usual. And by usual I don’t mean the usual of you being late with the delivery because you decide to tell the same story to the postman.”

“I’m on it, Mr. Danger. Like eggs on hash.”

“Make my home fries, Dwayne. And don’t forget the ketchup.”

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