Pancake Day

In Olney town, in Buckinghamshire,

A Pancake Race is held each year.

On Shrove Tuesday the race takes place

Down to the Church from the Market Place.

‘I’ll have a go,’ thought Martin Wise,

Keen to win and grab a prize.

But, application form completed,

Martin, with these words, was greeted:

‘You can’t enter – you’re a man.’

Undeterred, he hatched a plan.

With make-up, wig, and dress from Oxfam,

He changed himself from man to woman.

He gave up pies and chips and booze

And joined the gym and tried to lose

Those extra pounds. Then, pan in hand,

He ran, according to his plan,

The streets and parks and fields around

Till he became the best in town.

The race began, he took the lead,

And quickly thought that he’d succeed.

But, seconds from the finish line

He stumbled, fell, his skirts entwined,

And, legs akimbo, he revealed

What he’d been trying to conceal.

Disqualified, and shamed, he sat

Upon the pavement, feeling flat…

…as a pancake.