(1) The Call to Rotherham

Simon Flanders carried a surfboard across the floor of the Honolulu Victorious Crystal Diamond Worship Centre. He was dripping wet. Pastor Fred Flanders looked at his son indignantly.
"Son, we didn't come all the way to Hawaii so that you could surf. We're here because Julio the Apostle is going to bless us. He's going to pray for me and he's going to anoint my ministry and oh, I will be blessed."
"Sorry I'm so late Dad but I got stung by a jellyfish. I died and came back to life again."
"How do you know you were really dead?" asked his sister Sandy.
"Well, that doctor in the hospital thought I was really dead. He got a hell of a fright when I opened my eyes and sat up. I said the Lord's prayer as I was dying in the back of the ambulance. I went to Hell, where it was all dark and quiet, and then I went to Heaven. God asked me if I wanted to stay in Heaven but I didn't want to upset my parents so I decided to come back."
"Oh son, that's lovely," said his mother Shelly. "You came back from Heaven because you didn't want to upset me and your Dad."
"Are you sure the venom from the jellyfish doesn't have hallucinogenic properties?" asked Sandy.
"I'm sure it's got tremendous hallucinogenic properties. Perhaps I saw all those things in the last few minutes of life before my brain finally died. But that won't stop me writing a book about it, travelling the world and having my own Youtube channel."
"I don't think it proves anything, Simon," said Pastor Flanders. "When the rich man asked Jesus if he could come back from Hell to warn his brothers, Jesus said, 'They have the law and the prophets.' If people don't believe the Bible, they won't believe that you came back from the dead."
"Of course they won't believe it. Except for the Christians, who believe it already, and they're the ones who are going to come to my meetings, buy my books and watch my Youtube channel."

Julio the Apostle put his hands on Pastor Fred's forehead and prayed for him.
"God bless the Pastor from Los Angeles, God bless him. He will have a ministry greater than Wesley. He will bring the miraculous and the supernatural. So many churches will be changed through him." Pastor Fred beamed with excitement.
"Thank you, Julio, thank you, thank you. I've always loved reading your books and now I've met you in person. You have blessed me, and oh, I will be blessed." Some words appeared on the big screen. 'Focus on the Least Reached.' Fred's face fell. "Oh no."
"What's wrong, Honey?" asked Shelley.
"I thought that when Julio the Apostle prayed for me, I'd be bringing the supernatural and changing churches in a nice quiet suburb. Now I've got to go somewhere terrible. God might want me to go to Iran or somewhere really dangerous."
"Jesus commands us to go," said Maddi. "You were very angry, in your sermon last Sunday, about people who wanted to stay in their cosy suburb."
"I wasn't expecting that me and my family would have to go and work in a relief centre in Mosul. We might have to go to the jungles of Peru and preach the gospel to the guerillas."
"Ooh, ooh, ooh," said Simon, making monkey movements with his arms.
"Not those sort of guerillas, guerillas with machine guns. They might want to shoot us."
"Like you always say, Dad, we only believe in what we're ready to die for," said Sandy. A map appeared on the big screen. A voice came over the loudspeakers.
"The new 4K map divides the world into city blocks. The world's entire population are divided into areas of 4,000 people. A least reached people group is defined as an area where fewer than 2% of the population are Christians. In an inner city area of the north of England, this is a housing estate where there are only 2 small churches for a population of 10,000 people. Even if these 2 churches were full to capacity, they couldn't hold more than 160 people. On this estate, there are not enough churches for 2% of the population to go to church."
"I've just heard the call to where God wants us to go," said Pastor Fred.
"Oh no," said Simon. "Couldn't we just get machine gunned in Peru?"