Stand Up Comic

These days people just want to charge their batteries all the time for the rest they spend their life intensely “on your smutfone or tablet” whatever that is. Lucky for me I have nothing. Just this old PC some poetry books and my brother. I am rich as a king.

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None less than Sigmund Freud himself said that even after 20 years of research he could not answer the question “What does a woman want?” Some guys believe women are perfect random machines. It is every man's dream that he is her first love, a woman is much more sophisticated, she wants to be his last.

Mine is very special lucky girl. Every day is her birthday and every day is Valentine's day and of course, then you can't forget. Just not Christmas day that is Christmas day.

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A pie can only land on the up or the downside and not on an edge- it is called the law of the excluded middle. Furthermore if we take these two as equally likely the probability of each must be one half since the experiment has to have a result and the sum of outcomes must therefore be one. And it is reasonable to assume from symmetry that the outcomes are equally likely.

In our example we assume of course that the pie can be eaten when it lands on the downside and otherwise not but if you are particularly fastidious you won't eat it either way. On the other hand you might not mind “eating off the floor”.

For more trials we will find for instance two successive upsides has probability 1/4 (not 1/3!) and one up and one down is one half but in this case not as successive of course.

Seeing that our mathematician is a great one he does not consider at all all of this flashes in his mind in one instant as he steadies his hand . . .

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Imagine a girl asks you in a club “are you wearing underpants?” “Sorry I burned my last one yesterday.” God made me ugly? Look who's talking. She certainly has the experience, the tattoos? “Suck here”, “Willies parking” double cannibal nose pierce tongue studth. Does she have calluses on her titties? A favourite. A place and a win. First lesson free. Drilled double oversize.

So, will you have sex with me for two million dollars? Well ..? Of course who wouldn't?
And for ten dollars? What? Do you think I'm a prostitute? We have already established that now we are just negotiating the price.

When does a man stop wanking? When his wife leaves him. If you shout your own name on climax you have perfected the art of masrubating. You have intercourse only in emergencies.

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Those old lifts. Terrible. A colleague got stuck with a power blackout he was trapped for nine hours. He vowed never to get in a lift again. It's not so much the confinement as the company. Now he will take the stairs even fifteen stories he probably is much healthier now with all the exercise.

Hell and your boss didn't have to clean it up can you imagine, and I can think he didn't like it, in work time, stealing company money a such.

Be glad they didn't bust you smoking that is against the law. Thank goodness I stopped it's more than six years now. People should really be more tolerant, try marstubating on an airplane try smoking see what's what. I wonder. But you can drink? People are immensely selfish.

What I miss most since losing my job is the holidays.

Based on a true story.

Sory about the typo. Fixed up. Please note all names and places are ficstitious.
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Don't I get at least part marks for trying?