The Journey. Part Three.

Mum and Auntie had thought of everything, while they were living abroad, they had paid for their burial site and the whole funeral. Now they were back home, the new burial site had to be paid for. A site was chosen and my cousins informed us of the price, which we quickly paid, because Mum and Auntie wanted not just to be together in life but in death, they would be buried, one on top of the other.

About ten days before my Auntie passed away, I had bought a beautiful multi pink linen dress from my favourite store, and I had recently hand tied and dyed a beautiful unlined linen three quarter length coat, bought from the same store, the colours of the coat and the dress matched beautifully, almost like they were a two piece suit. My new Pavers, comfortable shoes, I had recently bought for my birthday, so I was all ready for the funeral.

I was not looking forward to the funeral at all, I did have a dentist appointment the day before, and I wasn’t looking forward to that either. It was my day off for the dentist, but not for the day of the funeral, my manager was wonderful, and without hesitation gave me the day off, he would work it for me.

My cousin’s side of the family is huge, and on the group chat we were informed, “The front pews at the Church is reserved for those in the funeral car and the other four pews behind that, they too are reserved for cousins and grandkids.” I wanted to make sure, that I was in one of the reserved seats, and before that, the worry of finding somewhere to park, as it was going to be a huge funeral, as Auntie was very popular and well loved.

Paul had burnt his bridges with my cousins for the next ten or more generations, on Facebook, so he wouldn’t be going to the funeral, Daniel who only wear tracksuits, had told his girlfriend last year, “Throw away my suit, I don’t need it,” So, it was just myself and Meghan who was going in our household. I had said to Meghan the day before, “Make sure you know what you are wearing,” And I had added, “I will be bringing my sunglasses as it’s going to be hot and sunny tomorrow.” Meghan replied, I will look for my sunglasses too.” I did put my TKMaxx bright red umbrella in my black, Mary Poppins bag, ready in case it rained. I had informed Meghan, “We will be leaving the house at ten twenty-five tomorrow, as I want to be there at eleven.”

That evening, I went on the group chat, I sent my cousins a text, “You are all in my thoughts and prayers,” A few of them replied. I was nervous and my tummy would flip every time I thought of tomorrow, if I felt like that, I couldn’t begin to imagine how they must be feeling, tomorrow is the day they bury their Mum.

The morning of Auntie’s funeral my brother would collect the hired wheelchair, at nine thirty but if it didn’t fit into his car, I was on standby to drive the eight miles to put it in my bigger car, that was the plan, but suddenly I felt uneasy, for how was I to collect the wheelchair at nine thirty and leave the home at ten twenty-five? I really hoped it would fit in his little car.

I made sure I had a bath first before Meghan, so I was ready for the phone call. Was glad it didn’t come.  We left home at ten thirty and following the sat nav on my mobile we arrived at eleven, it was very hot and sunny and was grateful to find a perfect parking place in the shade under a large tree with double yellow behind me so no one could park behind me, trapping me in.

It is a beautiful old Church of England building and as we went in, I was shocked to see that we were the first and only people in there, everything was set up and ready. We had a good look up and down the aisle and then I said to Meghan, “Some Churches don’t like you to take photos of the inside, but as its just us, I’m going to take a few pictures,” So, I took a picture of the front of the inside of the building and a picture of the inside of the back of the building and the baptismal font, it was a beautiful peaceful place. I pickup up a programme of Auntie and went to the reserved seats, where we saw on each pew there was already programmes laid out for everyone, so I returned the booklet to the entrance with the others. I said to Meghan, “You sit on the end, so you can see better,” But she didn’t want to, so I sat on the end with the aisle on my right. Then we heard voices at the back, I left my bag on the seat and we went to the back.

It was a man I grew up with and his dad, I couldn’t remember his Christian name, we walked up to them and I said, “Hi do you remember me?” He replied, “Yes of course Grace,” I said, “I can remember your surname is Smith.” He replied, “That’s right,” For the life of me, I couldn’t remember his first name, so he had to tell me, we then had small talk, until others came in. As people arrived there was lots of hugs and surprises to see faces, I hadn’t seen in decades. We soon went and sat down in our seats, as the Church quickly filled up.

Then those in the funeral cars arrived and sat at the front, my lovely Mummy sat between my two dearest cousins, it was strange not to be sitting next to her but she was in excellent hands.  

Then the Vicar asked us all, “Please stand up,” We all did, there was a hush, as we could hear the wheels and soon, they passed us slowly my male cousins, and my brother, then the two men from the funeral home put the coffin in the correction position and placed the pink and white flowers in front on the floor that spelt, ‘Mother’, and the beautiful flowers, they were placed on top of the coffin. It was beyond belief to think Auntie was inside. The pink coffin was beautiful. Sniffles and low cries could be heard.

The Vicar spoke, and hymns and Bible verses were sung and spoken, the Vicar told us of an apology. I already knew about it. A very kind and generous relative of Aunties had paid for the Pastor of the little Church abroad, he had taken Auntie to all her medical appointments and shopping, anything Auntie and Mum wanted, he was there 100% available, to them and the Lad Mum and Auntie, they had taken in when he was poor and had nothing. He is now married with kids. The relative had even paid extra for everything to be fast tracked, but alas the British Government having taken ALL that money said, “Sorry, no!” To their Visa’s. We were devastated and disgusted. These two lovely men, didn’t want to stay here, they simply wanted to pay their respects to Auntie, The Pastor wanted to thank Auntie from the Congregation from the little Church and the small close-knit Community and the young grateful man, he too wanted to say his very final goodbye, as my Mum and Auntie, they were like Mums to him, so instead an email was read out to us from the Pastor.

Then four Very talented grandkids sang. “We’re Going Up Yonder.” WOW! The Lord’s Prayer was said, and then Auntie was taken outside to the car, and we all followed behind until we were all outside. It was like a meet and greet, so many many, people who I went to school with and Church back in the day. It was fantastic, there was a lot of catching up to do and ‘kids’ who I knew from school, although we are now in our sixties, they hadn’t changed! We had last time, seen each other when we were fourteen, fifteen or sixteen! I introduced my beautiful daughter Meghan, and said, “She’s a Midwife.” She only looks eighteen just, so everyone who met her was really surprised, even when she is on the ward at work, some ask her, “Do you need to go and get help?” Not realizing that to qualify she needed to deliver forty babies. Most of us stayed there for about thirty minutes, chatting with each other. I had wanted to take a picture of Auntie inside the Church, but thought some might think I was been morbid or disrespectful, so I didn’t I instead took a photo while Auntie was inside the car. Then slowly under the hot and sunny sky we made our way to the graveside, it was short ten-minute drive.

I followed my brother and parked behind him, he took out the wheelchair and we took it to where Mum was with my cousins. There was a huge mound of soil. Paper song sheets were handed out to us all. We gathered around the, as my cousins and brother was given instructions of how to lower Auntie into the ground, it looked very deep. Mum was in the wheelchair and at the front with no one obstructing her view of her beloved Sister’s final resting place.  The Vicar spoke for a short time, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…..”

Then as is our custom, the men some of them, to show that the person is loved, it’s the last final act, they bury them with all of the soil, they pass the shovel that they have bought  with them and pass it on to other men, and as they bury the Loved One, we all sing songs, of Heaven, the journey from Earth to Heaven, The sweet by and by, This World is not my Home we are only passing through, Crossing the River Jordan, these and many more they are VERY sad, moving songs of my youth. My cousin, who looks after my Mum she cried loud and her eldest brother comforted her with a close hug and my dearest Mummy, she too cried out for her sister, her Rock, we all hugged her, and comforted her in her grief. It is SO true what it says in the Bible, “Death is our final enemy,” While the burial and singing was still going on, I turned to Meghan and whispered, “When Mum passes away, she will be buried right there,” She replied, “How do you know?” I answered, “They both agreed to be buried together and Mum has already paid.”

As mentioned, it is our custom for the men to bury our loved one at the graveside, yet a few years ago I was at a funeral with my best friend in the whole world, and as we were approaching the burial site, she turned and said to me, “I would bury you all on my own!” I looked at her and said, but if you did that, before you finished, you would collapse, fall into the hole and die!” Why we thought that was hilarious, but we laughed quietly until tears ran down our faces, we had to fall back, for people were beginning to stare at us, and it just wouldn’t do to be laughing at the graveside.

So back to my Auntie’s burial I recorded snippets of the songs that were sung, as they covered Auntie up, to send to my other cousins who live abroad and these were the songs:-

Take It To The Lord In Prayer.

When We Get To Heaven.

It’ll Soon Be Done With Troubles & Trials.

Some Glad Morning When This Life is Over.

The sun was hot, I tried to fan Mum with the paper that we were given but it was futile, then I remembered my bright red TKMaxx umbrella that I had in my bag I took it out and held it over my Mums precious head and it made an instant difference, someone, who I didn’t know commented to me, “How clever,” I replied I brought it just in case it rained.” When all the soil was piled high on top of Auntie it was smoothed over and the three lots of huge named flowers was put on the three sides ‘Mother’, ‘Auntie’ and ‘Grandma’ then other bouquets and were placed on the top and single pink roses there was a lot of flowers, the men who had covered Auntie with soil they were pouring with sweat, tiny tissues was a waste of time. We all then went back to our cars to go the place where refreshments would be held. I didn’t quite know what to expect, but when we got there, it was a large room with the tables beautifully set, we could sit at any table, Sister Jones, who is eighty-one years old was asked to come and say, “The Grace.” Instructions were given to us all, “To stay in our seats, and the Servers would quickly come to our table,” There was probably now only about two hundred people there, so not everyone came for the refreshments, and the caterers quickly brought the traditional hot food to each table. My Mum who I was sat next to, and being like the second most important person there, she was served before any of us, my cousins didn’t forget her. Auntie would have wanted that! I don’t usually eat our traditional food, only at weddings, funerals and christenings. As I grew up with it, every single day, but now that I am older, I appreciate it and enjoy it when I do have it, after all, I am born and bred here, so for me, it’s Fish n Chips, Shepherd’s Pie, Sunday Roast etc.

The mood in the room now was cheerful, and lots of photos were taken and mobile phone numbers swopped, the hugs still continued and all the catching up.

My eldest cousin had spoken briefly, just before we all ate, he said, “Mum would have been very pleased at how it all went well today, and she would have loved the hot sunshine.” Indeed, Auntie had a wonderful send off.

One of the songs, of my youth, that we sang at the graveside have stayed with me, it was good to hear it again, I have looked it up on the internet, and sadly there is only one woman singing it, and she is singing it far too fast! It’s a horrible version but here are the words to this beautiful song.

#When we get to Heaven, at the marriage supper, all the Saints shall gather, at the last assemble, there will be no more parting, no more heart-breaking, farewell to sorrow, victory at last#.

Rest In Peace, Auntie. xXx