Letters from a Daily Mail reader - letter to the National Trust

Dear National Trust

I was disgusted during a recent visit to a national trust property, to find that there was no dead squirrel sticking out of the scone I ordered in the café.

This is woke political correctness gone mad. The last scone I ate (during a visit to the Jeremy Clarkson Farm Shop) contained the corpse of a weasel, and the finest bath bun I ever enjoyed contained the mummified head of a pangolin. This is what I expect when I order a scone.

When I started throwing things at the staff and shouting obscenities, they tried to console me with the comment that ‘we’ve been using exactly the same recipe for fifty years’. What sort of excuse is this?. The fact that I’ve not complained previously in spite of eating the same scones every day for fifty years just means that I have five decades worth of complaint to make up. That’s 15,000 dead squirrels I’ve been denied.

Please start putting dead animals in your cakes now, immediately, or else I will have to order one of the various meat dishes on the menu instead.

Yours with poisonous bile and venom

AJ Daily Mail Reader