The Future of an Illusion
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By Mr. Moon
Sat, 02 Nov 2024
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6 comments
As always, in the days before you arrive, I fall ill.
A premonitory sign of the melancholy to come.
Some part of me is staging an intervention.
But doubled over, I double down.
I tell myself it will be all worth it,
At least, I say, I will know I'm alive.
I think all this whilst knowing that you're not coming for me,
That you want to talk about her.
I see your pain and listen as generously as I can,
Telling you what I know you need to hear.
There is so much I want to say,
To share, but you don't ask.
This is my penance.
I know this is going to hurt,
That I am breaking my own heart with this compulsion.
I remind myself that even when the heart wants
What the heart wants,
When the body finds its primordial other,
The oceanic certainty of love can still feel like death,
And that I destroyed what I loved most
Just to feel safe.
Sitting this close to you,
My body behaves as she always does -
Treacherously.
Even though I know by now the price,
I don't try to tame the force of her remembering.
It's a wager I'm certain to lose;
The die already cast,
A busted flush.
She runs rampage.
It's a death ride now, and I know it,
But I will her on regardless for a momentary glimpse of
The future of my illusion.
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A busted flush perfectly
Permalink Submitted by blighters rock on
A busted flush perfectly relates the modern human experience. Great writing
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Always a gamble
When you fall in love it is a risk, and often it is. If you have the courage, and some things are better kept to yourself "I see your pain and listen as generously as I can", compassion with a touch of curiosity? Can be as far as even a grim facination?
The kind of love told of here is a love of young people, it matures with age. And your chances of being loved in return are better!
Don't throw your pearls to the swine & see you! Nolan
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