Omar's Diary to 20th March 2016

Deep joy was brought forward from Cheltenham Races on Friday afternoon.  My choice, Don Cossack, in the 1530 obliged by winning at 9/4 so I was able to recover three Dreamies from the Chav who did honour my small wager.  Just for the record please see below my closing ledger for the Cheltenham Festival:

Opening balance brought forward                              3

Return from Don Cossack                                             3

Balance carry forward to the Grand National           6

(To be run on Saturday 9^th April)

I did not recover my initial stake of 10 Dreamies or make a profit on the four days which was a tad disappointing but it was still fun.

What was very disappointing was the behaviour of some of the people who did attend the races.  Apparently there was a member of the servant species that ran naked along part of the course.  I believe this is referred to as ‘streaking’.   It was further reported that the offending male servant did not try to go over either any of the hurdles or the four foot six inch brushwood fences either.   He probably appreciated why most successful national hunt horses are gelded. Perhaps he was apprehended and saved from himself.  There was also a reported incident of servants in the hospitality boxes using beer glasses as I would use a litter tray.  I hope none of their fellow guests ended up drinking warm lager that day.  In my day the ‘Members’ enclosure meant just that and to be able to wear a member’s badge one had to be of upstanding character.  Oh how things have changed.

I did think such outlandish and coarse behaviour was confined to the servant species but I am most distressed to report that it has spread to certain parts of the feline population as well.  Next door to Omar Towers lives a street wise tough ginger feline named ‘Lagerboy’.  I think you can assume from his name what some of his behaviour patterns are but this latest episode is really beyond the pale.

Some servants living further along the road were sitting outside enjoying a Chinese takeaway.  For some reason they had to rush back into the house and leave their sweet and sours, spare ribs and chow meins on the table.  Lagerboy, being the ultimate opportunist felineof a lower social order seized his moment and sampled most of the offerings.  While Lager Boy was in full consumption mode the servants returned outside to their dinner and Lagerboy attempted to escape.

Unfortunately Chinese cuisine and feline digestive tracts are not the best of companions and before Lagerboy could make it back to his own home he parted company with his ill-gotten intake. Servants have been known to name this bodily function as a ‘five finger spread’.  As felines do not have fingers I will apply the adjective ‘upchuck’.  Whatever it is called it is still absolutely uncouth.  However worse was to follow?

The servants whose meal he had sampled and then created an oriental coleslaw mosaic on their decking went back indoors to get some cleaning fluids.  When they returned Lagerboy was giving the Chines food a second opportunity to settle in and progress through his digestive system correctly.

On hearing of this behaviour I had to remonstrate with Chav and tell her that under no circumstances was she to have anything to do with Lagerboy.