These ideas give me nightmares

These ideas
give me nightmares,
and I lay there
and scream,
these thoughts seem
to real to be a bad dream,
they chew me up
and spit me out,
leaving me without a doubt
that things can
only go downhill from here,
and every time I start
to feel okay
they stab me in the back
and chase the happiness away,
I wish I could stop my emotions
just for a day,
so these fears
would just disappear,
'cause I just can't go on
I start to hate myself,
for ever doubting
this thing we have,
and I feel like such
an arsehole inside
because I know without you
I just couldn't survive.

I know you've said you accept it,
but even I know it's just a matter of time
before acceptance becomes annoyance
and when that happens you'll just wonder why
you ever liked me in the first place,
realise that your not sure
and just walk out the door,
leaving me to feel so alone
and embrace the cold that is sure to come,
and only when everything is said and done
will I feel numb and broken inside,
just like I knew I would from the out
because I know what I'm like from the times before,
unbearable and stupid and this might just be the final straw,
so please don't hate me when this all ends,
as I'm sure it will,
because it was my own doing that got me here,
just promise you won't shead a tear.

Now I realise I've been rambling on
for way to long so i'm just going to
STOP!