Lark ascending

Cherry

By animan

Fri, 11 Apr 2008
  • 1282 reads
3 comments
 

When I first …
called you,
on your mobile
from mine,
to ask a favour,
having not spoken for
years,
and you said

this and that and then
‘oh my god’, and
your voice was
like a cathedral window -
a red, blue, and yellow, and silver
glass of chords and light

I hear it now and
remember how I

came to it, almost
came to it

And when your voice was
low,

warm and cautious,
I felt you, something
in you glow,
secretly on show

When I called to you,
it was like a lark
a skylark fluttered
from the darkness, and
it was a dark lark ascending,
and it was a dream
a dream that
could fall to the
ground
in the morning

Certificate U
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by HaiAnh on
I can't remember which poet it was, perhaps Emily Dickinson, but she said poetry has to leap and jump out of the ordinary. This poem does exactly that - it takes you to a new level when the voice becomes a cathedral window. It is these personal leaps in an individuals imagination which make a poem for me. The association of a Catherdral window also represents that perhaps the person you are talking to hold some reverence. As I was reading it I almost thought that it would have a stronger ending if you finished on the line 'could fall to the ground / in the morning.' I also like the second metaphor of the bird bursting from the tree - but for some reason larks seem to come up in poetry a lot and I wanted a different bird. The bird ascending is also the kind of interuption that you get when a phone rings, so it seemed to continue the theme. Neither of these things are meant as criticisms though, just my own preferences. i am a bird fascist - feel free to ignore me! really enjoyed the poem. thank you. xxx

Submitted by animan on
Hi Anna, What a lovely set of comments - thank you so much. You have given me an awful lot to think about. I, only recently, have got into studying Emily Dickinson and have been struck by what a skilled practitioner of her art she is - she does seem to have all the tools at her command, easily within her reach, so to speak, though I confess that at times I am struggling to understand her. I accept both your queries about the poem - you are a shrewd critic, I can see. However, I, in my turn, am a slow thinker and need time on both. But I enjoy tussling with these kinds of things. I fear that to end the poem where and how you say might give it a slight final abruptness and yet that, I can recognise, can be a good thing. (I notice that ED can be quite abrupt at times.) Also, I see that I have managed to say 'a dream ... dreamt' - maybe not! That would be good to get rid of as it sounds a bit like 'a run run' or 'a sight seen', I realise now! As for larks, I concede absolutely that they are corny but they are stunning when high overhead in the wild play of the sun and the wind. Also, I must confess that I am not much of an ornithologist and so I am struggling to think of an alternative - though, I had some fun this morning trying to think of all the bird names I could muster from my memory! Do let me know if a better bird springs to your mind, or maybe (fairer, as you're not keen on birds)it should be something else - a deer breaking from its cover or ... . As you will not doubt realise I had the Vaughan Williams' piece in mind, but since that got to 'the Number 1 slot' (I ask you!) in the Classic FM Hall of of Fame/Shame, I'm more iffy about it than I was before. Thanks again. X

 

Submitted by animan on
I decided you were right about the ending and have changed it as you suggested. Thanks for that.