Road Trip
By Anchor
Fri, 26 Jul 2013
- 634 reads
2 comments
We're cutting a line
below the star-spangled dome,
through the dry grasslands
and the forested hills.
The trail we leave
is not always straight
and the journey we make
is haltering.
But we laugh so hard
on the shack-speckled land,
drive too fast
on the pot-holed tracks,
we love too quick
in dim bamboo bars
and drink too much
with bearded strangers.
Those tired silences,
meandering walks,
kidnapped dogs,
torrential rains,
Tequila-fuelled smiles
and road races
were all unplanned
and the taste of
the beef on the bread
in the half-built room
filled with the
salty expectancy
of what was to come
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Comments
I like the first, three
I like the first, three stanzas. The verses reveal a nice, poetic journal experience. In stanza three, "speckaled" is misspelled. It should be "speckled". The last stanza does not mesh together very well. The line "in a building site" is vague and meaningless. The last line does not go with the previous line, or sum up the stanza or poem. It should do one of those, two things. Fix the last stanza, and your poem will travel anywhere. Look forward to reading your next poem.
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