Dim Peter

Dim Peter was an idiot
With cobwebs in his hair
He'd bits of sputum on his back
And shoes all scuffed and bare
He thought that Indonesia
Was right above your shin
And he thought that Leicester City
Could still turn it round and win
He believed in Elves and Santa Claus
Believed that pigs could fly
He believed that he could eat a horse
Although he'd never tried
He was bullied by the other kids
Because he was so dumb
They'd karate-chop his ribcage
And they'd staple-gun his thumb
They'd put dog-poo in his trainers
Then they'd laugh to see him cry
As his foot came out all smelly
They'd put vomit in his pie
Little Peter dim as rock-cakes
Little Peter dim as sludge
Little Peter all forgiving
And too dim to hold a grudge.