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Got?

Got laid, never got paid. Damn shame running this brothel. Yesterday we
had one punter in who just did not want to pay. He then got done in by
big Frank, met Actual and Grievous, won't come here again ? maybe he
will go to Erotic Shop Elf. Got a fistful of dollars and a wife with a
walk that would make a vicar's tongue hang out. Got done by the police
last Saturday, copper was a right clown trying to make funny jokes all
the time, 'bald tyres' he said as he looked at my receding hairline.
'The bacon sandwich I had for breakfast is repeating on me', I said
back dryly through my lips. Got to be on your toes all the time, got to
be one step ahead. Got married in a church, vicar smoked a pipe and
supported Aston Villa, fair play he danced to the Birdie song at the
reception. Got time on my hands, got tattoos on my feet, had them done
in Brighton after a skinful of ale, couldn't work the next week,
couldn't walk, me Mam gave me a thick-ear and told me I was stupid. I
wouldn't mind but I was twenty-three at the time. Got a great bathroom,
cost me three-hundred quid to have it installed, had my mate Steve from
down the Three Bears to do it. Nice pub by the way they've got a
terrific barmaid, great tits, got a blow-job off her last Christmas, I
asked her to come and work for me at Tutti Frutti, she refused. Got
plenty of girls working for me anyway, got this one girl called Trina,
great girl. I think she's our most used, the fellas love her. Got to
get my hands on a Thai, I think we're the only brothel in town without
one. Got a few worries but haven't we all, I mean the car I drive has
got built-in air bags, I'm constantly worried they will open up when
I'm on a dual carriage way? My sister is nice she has thirteen
children, two of them are adopted. She does a lot for the church, like
selling raffle tickets and stuff. She goes to Hull every year for her
holidays. Got a few wrinkles appearing and a problem with my sperm
count, doctors say we might be lucky. I remember once when I was in my
twenties, a friend of mine drank a pint of piss to impress this girl.
He didn't impress her one bit or pull her in fact. I showed her
my-flick-my-fag-packet-under-my-leg-and-catch-it-on-my-nose-with-my-eyes-closed
trick, she left with me. Later under soft candlelight, she impressed me
with her supple long legs which went right up to her nose hair. Got a
dose of the crabs off her if I remember correctly. Don't pluck by the
way, it becomes a forest. We've got phone lines at Tutti Frutti's too,
sometimes when one of the boys don't show I speak down the telephone, I
try to keep to a script, sometimes I quite enjoy it, but don't tell
anyone. Got my palm read by a gypsy once, she said that I was in for a
long life with three marriages, this is my second, my first wife left
me for a travelling salesman, dusters and stuff I think he sold. I met
her one night in London fifteen years later, she was with the same man,
they were busking with a Casio keyboard. We never did get divorced so
I'm worried that one day they'll found out I'm a bigamist. Got worries,
got problems, got rid of haemorrhoids, thank God, a right pain in the
arse. My wife had an affair last year, she got drunk at an office party
and started necking with the office junior, seventeen he was, got
pimples on his face and everything, anyway I only found out 'cause
Julie from typing does extra work on the weekends at Tutti Frutti. So I
hired a private detective, he showed me photos of her picking him up
from his mother's house, in my bloody car as well, just trying to show
off the bitch. Mind you there's nothing wrong with her car. Then
another photo showed them holding hands at the zoo, and in Mc Donald's
sharing a thickshake with a straw each. So I confronted her with the
evidence and she left and went and stayed at his mother's house. Three
weeks later she was back knocking on my door, begging me for one more
try. We did, we're over it now, shit happens. Anyway she doesn't know
about Sarah or Diane. Got shares in a racehorse, won its first two
outings, hasn't won a sausage since. Got dandruff. I remember once when
I was a child falling through an asbestos garage roof, cut my head real
bad, things were different when I was a boy. I think they should bring
back corporal punishment, great fun on a Saturday pelting criminals in
stocks with rotten tomatoes and stuff, then they'd certainly think
twice about stealing cars and people's knickers off washing lines. I
really got into Slade when they came out, Noddy Holder is a hero of
mine, got a few heroes, but ain't we all. Clint Eastwood, now there's a
man, cooler than the Fonz by miles, has Newcastle Brown imported to
him, 'Go ahead punk make my day'. I'd just love to say that to some
punk one day, maybe a punk picking on an old lady, probably trying to
get her handbag, then I'd show up smoking a filterless cigarette and
say 'Go ahead punk make my day', and I'd be in the paper and stuff.
Great business I'm in, I provide a great service, got only the best at
Tutti's, you should see how ugly some of the men are that come in, it's
no wonder they come to us. We charge extra for perversion, last week a
man came in and wanted two girls to set him on fire, I think he was
quite suicidal. We got big Frank to put out cigarettes on his arms and
face while Gail burnt his bollocks with a travel iron. Fifty quid we
charged, he was happy, we were happy, you see it's a nice service I
supply, I mean if he didn't come to us who knows what his sexual urges
will strive him to do in public. Got hairs on my toes and I'm sure they
are turning ginger, worries, problems we've all got them. Went to the
supermarket before, I got tea, eggs and jam. Got a nice smile off the
girl behind the meat counter, had a bit of trolley rage with an old-age
pensioner, silly old bastard, 'I was in the war' he shouted,'What, the
Bore war?' I shouted back as I put some Jacob's cream-crackers into my
trolley. Got my finger caught in a car door once it sent my fingernail
purple, anyway working tonight so I've got... to go.