living together

By anipani

Mon, 21 Jan 2008

1523 reads

3 comments

I stop myself
from digging a hole
and falling in.
We've been this way
before, and I can
never win. (In your mind.)

You bully;but ( with
a heart),you'd hate to think
that's what you are.
i bully too,
knowing (letting you know)
nothing,nothing
really matters.

Bring on the fools,
the dancing horses,
come along, and see
the show.it's free.

Comments

This one feels like a poem

Permalink Submitted by Sooz006 on Thu, 2008-02-07 15:58

This one feels like a poem in two parts. The first two verses, stanzas or whatever they are seem to be telling one story, and then we go into symbolism ... but there's nothing to tie the two so it feels like two separate pieces. A couple of freak or side-show references earlier on, or a third link up verse before the final one would easily fix it .. if you think it needs fixing. What I really liked about this is that it states the obvious, during an argument most people assume that they are right and want to push that idea onto the other person who equaly feels that they are right.

thanks,, and you are right.

Permalink Submitted by anipani on Wed, 2008-02-13 08:46

thanks,, and you are right. on re reading there is too much of a gap. i wrote this in the middle of too much emotion! i will keep i though, it reflects the moment, and so works for me. that feeling of the word caving in , nowhere to go. We made up though.

anipani

I really like this anipani.

Permalink Submitted by chelseyflood on Sun, 2008-02-24 22:46

I really like this anipani. I like the rawness. Still I think it could be stronger with another edit. I think the bracketed words should have their own line. Maybe mirror the final stanzas images in the start Because the dancing horses are a great image... Is the lack of spacing between punctuation deliberate?