News I Must Have Missed

News I Must Have Missed by Neil McCall

a coal mine is to open in Glamorgan,
a director's just turned down excessive pay,
a bishop and an actress played the organ
whilst an atheist proclaimed the judgment day;
a foxhunt has announced it's vegetarian,
a tom cat's drowned four puppies in a box,
Cleopatra's had a baby by Caesarian,
Daddy Bear was found in bed with Goldilocks;
moralists have realised they're outnumbered
as the queen of country music bares her tush,
loggerheads have finally been lumbered,
an environmental treaty's signed by Bush.

now the mood out in the suburb's turning ugly
'cos the inner city's won the flower show
Nostradamus sits at supper grinning smugly
till the tea leaves tell him when its time to go;
the Pope stands up for next year's re-election,
junk shops hold authentic Holy Grails
the East Lancs road has changed north-south direction,
all of Oxbridge students soundly fail;
British dentists now wear diamond braces,
cancer doctors give up in defeat,
Americans give up all foreign bases,
Serbo-Croat's taught in every street.