Who want's to be a millionaire&;#063;

Dear Mr Hawkings,

When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are,
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true.
Jiminy Cricket.

Foolhardy words some may say. Not me because that's exactly what
happened. I have been offered a slot on TV's 'Who wants to be a
millionaire?' Well the answer to that question is 'I DO!'
The reason for telling you this is that I would like to ask you to
consider being my 'Phone a Friend', if I actually make it to the hot
seat.
I am quite clever as I have two City and Guilds and got a credit in my
English speaking board exam. However there are a few subjects that
cause me problems.
The only other person I can ask is my dim-witted brother, who once
forgot to take his pants down before using the toilet. In any case he's
in hospital because someone phoned him while he was doing the ironing
and he burnt his ear.
Your reputation as a super brain is widespread and I beg you to share
your knowledge to help me fulfil my dream.

If it is not too rude may I ask you to take some time to answer a few
trial questions for
me.

1. If a plane crashes on the border of France and Germany where would
the authorities bury the survivors?
2. How many animals of each sex did Moses take onto the Ark?
3. How many two cents stamps are there in a dozen?
4. A farmer has twenty-six sheep and all but nine die. How many is he
left with?
5. Do you know the way to St Jose'?

I thank you for your time and I eagerly await your reply, and your
telephone number.

Yours truly

Ofar Quarson.

P.S. If we get the big one I will shout you a new telescope.

REPLY

Dear Mr Quarson,

Your letter made me laugh so much! You really ought to go into comedy;
writing or performing! I wish you luck on who wants to be a
millionaire, but regret that Mr Hawkings is unable to be your phone a
friend! Nice thought though!

Personal assistant to SW Hawkings.