Worldly wise

Well, hello there! I am, as you probably already guessed, not an
Australian. I do drink beer and I have always liked a fight whilst
wearing a funny hat, but again I must stress the fact that I am not an
Australian. Neither am I Swedish. There's not much I enjoy more than
sitting in a steamy room and beating myself with birch twigs, but you'd
be wrong to think that I am from Sweden. Or any other Scandinavian
country. None of them, not even Denmark. I cannot be mistaken for
Welsh. Just look at me, do I look Welsh to you? No. Of course I don't!
And even if I did look Welsh, which I don't, I have never acted like a
Welshman, have I? Do I go around wishing people a cheery 'Good
Morning'? No, I most certainly do not! I've never been near Cardiff or
even Aberwystwyth, and I'm not going to start all that business at my
time of life. Forget it! Now, don't you start thinking that I am
French! One thing I am clear about is that I'm not French. I may enjoy
the odd glass of wine or two and M. Hulot's Holiday was fantastically
funny but to call me French would be tantamount to lunacy. What on
Earth made you think I could be French? So, have you any idea at all
where I might be from? Can you not tell from which part of the world I
originate? Doesn't it strike you as obvious? Well, if you can't guess,
I'm not telling. I fail to see why I should. After all, it was you that
had me down as a Swiss gentleman. Well, I know it wasn't in so many
words, but I can tell from your demeanour that you think I may be
Swiss. It's a classic mistake, of course, but you are as wrong as wrong
can be. Anyway, I don't have the time to stand here being falsely
accused of coming from an interesting place, I must be on my way, so a
very good day to you.